ok, tons of things to do... decisions to make....what order? how to go about...
I remember in grade school, high school, and college, they taught us to write research papers and I hated it. It was so hard for me.
Pick your subject. That was hard.
Go to the library. That wasn't too hard.
Go find books on shelf on subject or on some archival something-or-other, forget what it was...microfilm? Didn't care for doing it so probably...don't want to remember...:)
Find tons of books and articles on the subject. Then, go through tons of factual, text type books with all sorts of statistics and numbers and technical data, and begin to write down, any possible important points so you have tons and tons of notes.
Then they taught us ( I think this was in grade school, or high school or junior high) ..to go back and put similar points in a category and put a star by these for example. Then go back again and pick another category and put a heart by all of these that fit into that category.
Then, make an outline. Then break down the outline into parts.
And on and on and on and on...aaaaaaaaaaaggggghhh!
Same in designing a speech for Toastmasters....do all this...and then whittle it down to the bare essentials...and just take that to the podium....same as writing a book I suppose...anyway, this was all agony for me...although in the end, supposedly what I wrote or my speech was usually thought to be well done...and this was some reward.....it was still agony for me, not enjoyable ...and I worried each time, there is no way I am going to get this done...
well, dissoicated or not, through grade school, high school, college and graduate school, somehow I did all those papers. And I really thought each time, 'now this one is the one that I just won't be able to do...there is no way...none of this is coming together...it is just jumbled mess...and it was...
But somehow, over time, usually a few days or weeks, thoughts began to become clear and concise and my brain just took all of the jumbled mess and made it make sense....
Now, this is how I feel right now...lots of jumbled mess of all sorts of thoughts...so I am just getting them down...hoping they will coelesce at some point in a few days or weeks...and I can proceed to the next steps!!??...in this case not a paper.....life...
ok...please bear with me.....or just keep your finger on the little blue 'down' sideways oval , do we all have one of those on the right side there, until I get to my last sentence...maybe that one will make the most sense...(or wait a few days or weeks and my posts may be short and clear again):)
ok....here goes....
My symptoms I need to address in my health...extreme fatigue, pain in what feels like ovaries, sore throat, pain all over in muscles, chills, shortness of breath, sore bottoms of feet, extreme stiffness in muscles after exercise/sleep, noise unbearable, brain...cannot hold a thought/brain feels extreme pressure/ extreme pressure in what feels like frontal lobe...feeling that consciousness will be lost/pass out...
It sounds like you are going about this in a rational manner, organizing, prioritizing, etc. I have 3 friends who have fibromyalgia and I don't have to tell you -- they go through horrible pain every day. If you can work with a clear mind with all that going on, you have already accomplished a great task.
My real stumbling block is being impulsive. Somewhere in my brain a neon light shines on a "solution" and I go with it without really thinking of consequences. It is just the easiest thing to do at the time. Then after a while I realize I have made a horrible mistake and try to backpedal. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't...and I'm stuck.
I have trouble making decisions, do you? I vacillate between what is good and what is best and can't figure out which is which. There are so many variables all the time. It must be something like a bloodhound does when he has this one scent he's supposed to follow -- and from "here" to "there" are a thousand other scent trails and some of them smell a lot better than that one you are trying to track down.
That's funny Donna! It made me smile...the bloodhound and the following the scents...
Yes, I have difficulty making decisions. I may dare say I am better at it now than ten years ago...but I could get much much much better than I am!
I figure when we know ourselves well, have confidence in ourselves and are in touch with our true selves, our center, our soul, and inner guidance and intuition or however one calls it... as well as our most important values and priorities, decisions are easy...they just flow out of us...
For now, I struggle. I know my body tells me things if I listen regarding decisions, how it feels about each one...but it just seems to get complicated...as I am sometimes so chaotic inside... and can't quite hear my body or intuition..
I guess I will wait and poll the audience for the million dollar question....I want to get that one right :)
Anyway, it just got very cloudy here today and that really throws my mood around....when it is sunny and warm and suddenly the sky clouds up and it gets cold...
Maybe I will take a break now...
good to hear from you and I hope you feel good about your decision re: moving...does it feel better or worse now with your new decision?
break time :)
Marishka
I'm having such a hard time sleeping right now that it is hard to feel any relief. Two nights this week, I have not slept one minute. The first time, I was able to sleep a little the next day. But last night, the second sleepless night, was followed by a totally sleepless day today, too. And I'm taking 2 different sleep medications...but not overtaking. I'm not addicted to them. As soon as I get a normal sleep routine going...then, relief. I think it is really because of an antipsychotic I'm taking -- Latuda. Seems like it works so well in other respects, I am reluctant to make a change.
Making decisions has always been SO HARD for me. It is like a panic reaction, probably because I'm thinking about everyone else's expectations rather than my own desires. Three times, I tried to commit suicide by overdose because I got to that point where I decided the only decision I could make was to permanently end all decision-making.
Donna, I don't mean to intrude, just wanted to say you are probably right about that medication causing your sleepless nights, or it may be.
Long ago my doctor had me start something called Catapres, it's a blood pressure, or something, medication. I did not not have high blood pressure but it was for something I cannot even remember, it's been that long.
I didn't sleep for two night and three days. I was a mess. I got the doctor on the phone, he was worried and asked if there was someone with me, there wasn't, but it was worrying him.
Anyway, I hadn't thought it might be the Catapres, but he told me to stop it, double up on my Elavil and I slept, finally, that night. At least consider that, or try to contact the doctor and tell them what is happening. The answer, I hope for you, is as simple as mine was. I would stop that one medication for a day or two, just to see if it helped. Good luck.
Well I tried that one time too. And after that I realized that was never an option for me as a decision. Anything else was and is a better choice. And that is not in the choices and never will be for me.
What I try to do now....is write down the pros and cons of each choice. Then leave it for a while to sit. I come back and read it.
Many times something stands out to me, which one feels best...often the one with the most pros...perhaps simply because in my heart, I feel it is best and so I write the most on the plus side for that one...
If I still don't know, I go to the mountain and run, pray for direction, guidance and answers. Then I wait more.
Then I talk to people and ask their opinions.
After all this, usually one stands out. If not, I go crazy. :) just kidding...sort of...it is hard to sit for a long time in confusion isn't it?...but that is what I do..
just keep sitting with it for more days or weeks, whatever it takes and perhaps repeat the steps. Usually by this time, one becomes clear.
I never had a 'process' before. Now, this is a process but there may be some much better ones...I am always open to hearing how others who make good decisions easily do it...sometimes it is hard to get people to describe how they do it...
we could have a discussion about decision making...on here...
Hi Donna,
this is probably something you have tried a long time ago...but for me, melatonin works. I read you can take up to 10 mg or something......don't take my word on the exact amount...but I take 6 right now every night. It works.
I'm sure when the anxiety calms down you will sleep again...unless it is your meds...then fixing that will fix it...
I know I got up at 4am this morning and didn't go back to sleep.
It is much better though not to have to go to work the next day after a sleepless night isn't it?! I remember having to do that when I worked...in a daze..
Check out the meds side effects...see if it is one....then tell your doc?
I hope you sleep soundly tonight :)
Thank you, Paul. There's just one problem. the medication (Latuda) is for schizophrenia. I can't do without it even 2 days w/o beginning to relapse. I've taken probably 8 different antipsychotics and they all have unwanted side effects. The one my doctor wants to keep me on makes me ravenously hungry 24x7 (I gained 93 lbs on it) and all I want to do is sleep. So it's like I can be a fat zombie, or a weight-stable insomniac. For a while, I thought it was a pleasant change to be awake so many hours during the day...but now it is beginning to turn sour. To help me sleep I am taking 150m g of Trazodone and 0.5mg of Klonopin. Sometimes it seems to help, sometimes not. And if I take it as prescribed, I am in a fog all the next day. What are we supposed to do with this? I think the side effects are the one thing that psychiatrists definitely do not understand. They think that as long as there are no hallucinations and no suicidal ideation, then their job is done.