Hello,
Had a rough day. Went to a support group I have been in for three weeks. I have been feeling very depressed so hence, vulnerable and not real strong. A guy in the group turned to me today and said in front of everyone, "You never share in the group".
This of course is not true--not much is NEVER--and I do share in the group--funny thing is usually I share very much in groups if I feel comfortable. So I felt he was just goading me and I already felt vulnerable so I had to say something....so I said I felt attacked. Then I said I am there to focus on me and I think we should do that or something like that. Then I said, "OK, I'm going to share something....I like to do things very slowly (meaning sharing slowly) .
He later came up to me and apologized but I still feel upset because this stuff happens mostly when I feel really vulnerable or triggered already. I felt like I couldn't breathe--the room became very tense.
I really do not like to be attacked in front of a group when I feel vulnerable already and everyone there feels scared and vulnerable, maybe mostly him.
Any insight? Advice?
Thanks
Marishka
Hey Marishka
Well maybe look at it this way...maybe this was his brutish way of saying he wished you would talk more because he is interested in what you have to say. I really can't imagine that you don't share because you share a ton here! It is hard to be in a live support group and I don't think you should "share" until you are ready and feel comfortable. It is a vulnerable time.
Anyways...people will say things but you can't take them all to heart. This is one growing experience you will have as being part of a group. I think you are doing well. So don't feel bad at all about yourself.
And thanks for sharing here.
Hi Merely Me,
Thank you. Yeah, I don't think anyone should share before they feel ready either. And the group is really really stressful for some reason. I think because everyone has such strong emotions--namely anger--since it's a depression group and much depression I think is anger turned inwards so once people have the chance to vent, it's pretty intense.
I suppose a group of angry tense people in a room always has been a trigger for me since it reminds me of my family growing up.
I will try not to take it to heart and try to let the old negative messages go of...I'm a victim, I can't stop them from attacking me ( I could leave the room),I'm not as strong or powerful as the others, or good, or competent or everyone's anger is my fault, or whatever gets triggered from my childhood.
And I do share a ton here!! I don't absorb the energy of people's feelings online so I can breathe --- I have that sponge tendency in a room of people...Thank you for your support- I will try to let it go tonight and be nice to myself.
Cheers,
Marishka
I do hope it goes better for you next time. But remember that not all support groups are...well...supportive. You have to make sure it is the right group for you. But I would give it more of a chance. Try to assign good motives to people...don't be naive either but...sometimes people honestly mean no harm.
Yes do be kind to yourself...you deserve it.