Who I am is not what others see. I live day by day in a cloud of grey, where nothing seems real. Am I truly here, or am I in another place? Today is better than others, but I hardly notice a thing. ---This is just random, and if anyone can relate, it'd be great jut to see what you say.
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I am unknown to myself, and others around me...
11/13/08 10:33am
Connection to another living being is so important. I decided to move myself from this fog to get a kitten, I found out I was allergic to cats, now I have a dog. Sometimes I truly resent his needs, but I get up every day and take him for a walk, I come home at night knowing I have responsibilities I cannot walk away from. This is my answer and any of us in this fog must find a way to connect to someone or something. It is imperative to find an interest - no matter what your choice is, unique to you! Good Luck!
11/13/08 11:17am
11/13/08 11:21am
11/13/08 11:43am
I wonder if we, as people get depression like we do because people have made life too complicated. With every complex thing, we worry about it more, thus creating more stress. We always have to do bigger and better. I will admit that the medicines and such are nice, but native americans, for example, were a happy people. The natives from colonial times, didn't need anything that was brought over, because they were content with their beliefs and customs. If you were to pretend to be of that time, don't you think that there would be less? The question for me lies in the fact of why. Why am I so depressed? Is it because I want more than what I have, and what I have isn't as great as I think it should be? (All of my ranting is more for me to figure things out, rather than for anyone else, in case someone gets offended.)
11/13/08 11:43am
I wonder if we, as people get depression like we do because people have made life too complicated. With every complex thing, we worry about it more, thus creating more stress. We always have to do bigger and better. I will admit that the medicines and such are nice, but native americans, for example, were a happy people. The natives from colonial times, didn't need anything that was brought over, because they were content with their beliefs and customs. If you were to pretend to be of that time, don't you think that there would be less? The question for me lies in the fact of why. Why am I so depressed? Is it because I want more than what I have, and what I have isn't as great as I think it should be? (All of my ranting is more for me to figure things out, rather than for anyone else, in case someone gets offended.)
11/13/08 12:28pm
This really sounds like a caes of someone or something lost to you. I could be wrong, if so, i am sorry. In any case, depression is a terrible thing. the feeling of the grey cloud is very familiar to me also. Actually, I have asked my hubby out lound before if I was really here, if this was really happening.
Sometimes people that do not understand just blow you off as being "off"!
I went through a very tough loss a couple of years ago. Although I am prone to depression, it got worse. I didn't eat, just wanted to sleep to escape, ect..
Here is what I have figured out...
The want to sleep is a form of running away.
Loss of appitite, because (for me anyway) I might like the food to much which ruins the want to even eat.
The clouds I am still working on...
What helped me?
Believing in something better.....
Call it God, Call it belief in yourself, Belief in humanity, just something that lifts you up.
It is always hard, especially on those bad days, but if you can start to believe in something, it helps. I should say, it helped me : )
Maybe what it all comes down to, in some cases anyway is that fear gets in our way and pollutes our minds, causing paralyzation.
To believe in Yourself especially helps to rid your mind of fear.
Our lives are what we make them, and when we decide to stop being afraid and have faith we realize that all of those fears become insignificant!
Hope this helps.
11/13/08 12:46pm
I've never thought about it that way, and I nearly lost my mother nearly 8 years ago, when I was ten. I have depression through genetics, and the fact that my mother doesn't take meds, and when she did, it ended up being too many sleeping pills. The thing that worries me the most, though, is the fact that I have depression, and my mom especially doesn't understand. I think that if she would understand more, or try to, it would make life a lot better. (note- she also tends to blame me and my dad for all her problems.) I will warn you that anything that I'm putting down is something I don't know how to handle. I've never asked anyone out loud if everything is real, but I can definitely relate to what you been saying...( Except a hubby! lol 
)
11/13/08 1:16pm
Oh my I had no idea your were only 18.
OK, this is a hard time of life anyway.
I also have it my genetics, which is strange that I know that having been adopted and never meeting my mother.
I do really understand the mom situation though, my adopted mom is the same way.
What I can tell you from experience is that when all is said and done you just have to let go of anything you see as something others have put onto you.
My mom was just mean to me, and still is in some ways!
I am a mom now, which is why I also speak to you about a mothers understanding of her children (no matter how old they are).
First..
Sometimes a mom does not want to believe that her child could have anything wrong with them, and sometimes, although twisted it happens, it makes them happy so see that someone is feeling the same. Misery loves company!
My kids have had depression issues of their own, and it is hard if we happen to be having "bad" days at the same time. However having a mom like I did and being that I am about to graduate with a BS in psychology I really make sure to listen to them, and understand.
It seems like you need to just vent to anybody that will listen and care.
So what, your Mom did this and that. Your mom does not controll who you become, what you think, what you think about yourself, your destiny, You Do!
Please believe in yourself!
Tell yourself every day that you are needed in this strange world, and that you are worth it. You do not fear what is ahead because you know you can handle anything!
It's strange, but it's like the ads say...
NO FEAR!
Also, it really helps to weed out any people in your life that are hellbent on keeping you down. If you have to deal with them, like your Mom just keep in mind when dealing with her that you are in controll, not the other way around : )
I Believe In You.
11/13/08 3:09pm
Thanks for the belief, not very many people do. As for my mom being in control, she is more than one would think. The way it is at home, is that I have nowhere to go if/when she decides she's going to kick me out again. It's her way or no way, and quite frankly, I'm not ready for the 'real world'. Just so you know, I'm not saying this to purposely contradict you, I'm just letting you know.
11/13/08 7:14pm
I understand, that is part of what makes your age so very hard.
If you are worried about being kicked out again, you might try showing her that you are ready to grow up and handle your own business.
Entering adulthood is not easy for the majority of people, however, just as getting old, it must happen.
Besides, it sure beats the alternative LOL.
You might try being honest with Mom about how you are feeling, just avoid statements like you....that, that, or the other.
Instead tell her that you yourself feel that.......
If she gets a whif of the blame game, the conversation is fairly doomed form the beginning.
Hang in there : )
NO FEAR!
11/13/08 11:12pm
I agree that the age time line is a difficult one. I don't even want to go back there. I also have the gray cloudy feeling. I've been on meds for 26 yrs. Tried different ones, some didn't work, others would work for a while. I still stay tired all the time and have no motivation. I recently lost a my husband, and things have gotten really bad. I can't seen to quit the crying jags. I do good for a couple of days, then I have a bad one. I also feel if I'm really doing the things that I do everyday, or is it all a dream. Some times on my way to work, I'll think "I can't believe I'm actually in a car and driving to my job." I know this sounds strange, but the cloudy days seem to go along with this. I'm really glad to know that I am not alone with this feeling.
11/14/08 10:00am
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all my days are spent avoiding thoughts of things i cannot change; depression, feeling useless, cannot keep commitments and so on. i play games on computer, needlework and of course the tv is on all day, mostly on science channels
i wish you well until there is a med or device that may help you
Thank you. I wish I knew needlework...
Thank you. I wish I knew needlework...
i learned many years ago from a book i got at hobby lobby
i have also worked many jig saw puzzles