So, my situation has not exactly improved, but I suppose it has become more manageable. The man at the root of my troubles has made a decision, and it does not include life with me... This makes me incredibly sad. Last Tuesday we talked, and he told me that he has to do this. He told me he couldn't tell me how he felt about me, because why make our situation worse? He said he would stop coming to me for sex, that he wouldn't use me like that. Now, finally really losing him hurt, desperately, but at the same time, it provided a sense of relief... at least I know how things stand, right? I can maybe put my life back together and start getting by again. Well, wrong. Three days later, he was telling me he loves me, that he always will. We were out in his truck, taking a smoke break from work and he pulled me into his arms and just held me, rubbed my back, told me he loved me and that he missed just being able to hold me. Then we both left work a little early, and he came over. We spent 2 hours in my bed, making love, cuddling, kissing, talking... He seemed to want to reminisce about the days when things were simple between us. He kept talking about all the places we went together, things we'd done. Then today, he tells me that while he knows he shouldn't be jealous that I go out and try to have a good time, he is because I might find someone new. I asked him how he thought I felt, considering that even though I know he loves me, I still don't get to have the normal life stuff with him like cooking dinner together, cuddling while we sleep, all that stuff.
I want to be with him. That may be wrong, since he has decided to give his marriage another go, and I know I shouldn't let him come to me, but I can't bring myself to say no. I don't even want to say no. But all this makes me feel adrift still, without any resolution... I love him so, but this isn't fair for either one of us.
Hello, SadGirl. You are, indeed, in a sad situation. I think you know, in your heart, what you need to do, what the right thing to do is. You are enabling him to continue to use you, he's got the best of both worlds and you have the best of none. Should he ever leave his wife for you, could you trust that he wouldn't cheat on YOU? Anyway, it sounds like he's made his decision as far as commitment is concerned, but he still wants you, too, and it really can't work that way - he doesn't really want you to move on. Maybe you are addicted to the attention he gives you, all the positive things he says to you, but deep down, you aren't going to like yourself much for letting yourself be used. I hope you can find the strength and respect yourself enough to free yourself and move on and eventually find someone who is also free to love you, not use you. This might not be what you want to hear, but I'm guessing you wanted feedback. I really wish you all the best and I do empathize, but this situation isn't what's best for you.
hi sadgirl, oh honey, i know you know what to do, when someone says he has to leave you but cant tell you why, that should be enough. it soudns as if your good enough for the bedding down but not for the committment, maybe you are addicted to those positive things he says to get you where he wants you, but he is using you, please know that your worth more than just being a sex toy for him, you are a woman and that means you dont have to be used, and what does love really mean? what does he mean when he says he loves you, ask him that? and what does love mean to you, love doesnt hurt, it is not just physical, it encompasses everything about you your mind, your soul, your intelligence, i wonder would he feel the same as he calims after dumping you once already if you had a physical disability and there wasnt any more sex? love to me means more than the physical , after all that ends and if he cant be your best friend, confidant, and a lover doesnt have to have sex to be a lover, if he cant love you, ask your self is that worth it, and isnt really bad that he is married? you know deep what your answers are, good luck, dont let him drag you down, you need real love emcompassing all of you not the physical, your beautiful inside and out dont be abused in the disguise of a word called love, the word needs to be used carefully, becasue i dont think many people know what it is, and it doesnt sound like he knows.