Hi, I am so glad I found this site! My main question is should I leave this situation, and live my own life........ I don't think I am a healthy caregiver for my boyfriend.
I have been with this man for 15 years. I have worked hard always thorughoutthis relationship to keep it going, him going. We are both in our early 30's, we got together when we were young. He was in a car accident at 19, and had a period of depression which he took meds and saw health professionals, all before I met him.(stopped both after two years) Plus hx of suicide, but none since he was 19. Has had recurrent bouts of depression, which have gotten worse in the past few years, especially this year. I am finishing up nursing school this week, nursing school taught me about depression, so that is why I think I should not be with him anymore. i am soooo mean to him because I am under my own stress, and when I find out that he quit working and sleeps all the time and nothing gets done around the house, I unfairly yell at him because I am frustrated and I know this is not fair to him because he is ill. However, I am only human too, and deep down I just want what's best for him and also keep my sanity. I quit working 2 months ago to finish my last semester, and it has been hell.Bills are piling up and he has no motivation to do anything except sleep and play pool on WED and FRI nites. Does not do drugs, smokes and drinks beer 4-5 nites a week. In fact this whole year has been hell!! I finally told him he had to get help or I had to go. He agreed and we have an appointment on 5/4. I am so angry at him most days that i don't even want to come home from school. The times that we laugh are very RARE, and I wish they were more often. I guess I want to know if this therapy will be a positive step , and should I stick around and try to support him, or should I just move on since I feel so angry? Or would it help me to talk to someone too? You would think as a nurse I would be very supportive, but I have been with him a long time, and it has worn me down. I feel like his illness is holding me down because I sacrifice so much to accomadate him, but I also feel like that's what you do when you love someone. Any advice would be good here....thankyou
go to the therapy session. it will help you answer these questions. if you decide to stay together, therapy will give you strategies to improve things. if you decide to leave, it will help you break up in a healthier way.
just because you are a nurse doesn't mean you are Mother Teresa. you will not connect with or like all of your patients either. plus with your boyfriend you have a long history of difficulties and unhealthy behavior patterns. for instance, at the beginning of your post you described yourself as your b'friend's caregiver. what about being his partner?
be honest with yourself about your feelings for him. how much is love? guilt? sense of duty? compassion? and so on. therapy will help you find the answers.