Fighting not to lose control

By alxv Thursday, April 19, 2012

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My condition, Bipolar II, it's taking a toll on me.

I'm so nervous for the last 4 months that sometimes I think I'm going insane.

I have so much stress and feel so much pressure to do well that I don't know if I can do it anymore.

I think that with age I sure don't get better and memory loss is not helping either.

I'm taking suplements for my memory and taking my meds for bp, but I still can't control my brain when it comes to negative thoughts.

I get more and more insecure because I don't know if I still can do it, meaning if I still can be someone with the capacity to learn without losing all the information I am studing.

I freeze when I have to do tests and it's quite overwelming, I have too much going on in my life.

I red, here, a post one day, that one of us forgot all she had learned in her profession, and she had a degree, she lost her job because of it.

I'm scared that may happen to me as well.

I don't know if there is some kind of technics to control this stress and gain focus to be racional when I have to prove what I have learned and do well in my life and studies.

Can anyone help me?!

Alex

Can I tell you a story?

Comments (2) | Add comment

Judy

4/19/12 1:23pm

Hi, there. I'm sorry that you're having so much anxiety. I think that the more anxious we get about being anxious, the worse it gets. What kinds of things have you tried? How about things like meditation or self-hypnosis? Music? Are you seeing any kind of therapist? There are some techniques that can be learned to calm yourself down. Certainly, it's hard to retain newly learned things when your mind is racing like crazy but I don't think it means you're going to lose your mind. If you're on anti-anxiety meds, maybe they're not the right dosage. Perhaps you could talk about this with your doctor.

I've found that if I can distract myself with something, it helps deflate the anxiety quite a bit. I know this may not work for everyone, but that's one reason meditation can be helpful because you focus on one tiny thing while your mind and body relax.

Thanks for writing in today, mabe someone else will have other suggestions for you!

Kyle

4/20/12 3:24am

When my depression truely got the best of me I was in college earning my AA degree.

I just had way too much. I looked at the stack of notes, homework, and books one day and just flew off the handle. So pissed that I could scream but instead I cried for a couple of hours non stop. I recently quit college halfway to my AA degree. I was actually kinda relieved it did happen because the weight, both metaphorically and physically, was off my back.

It was also a private moment, I had gotten home just an hour or 2 before it happened.

I can relate to your worries and troubles, my friend. As with Judy here I got heavily into meditation and self hypnosis. Even tried my hand at Lucid dreaming. They worked well for me as long as I stuck with them.

In college and school in general there isn't much time to enjoy things. It's a constant fight uphill wearing a lead apron. Or swimming against a current with cement shoes.

That saying about the straw breaking the camel's back is very true. If you are medicated right now or in Therapy and you still have these stresses you need a release of some sort. I'm medicated and have them still. Always worrying about the next day's schedule. Like a haunting almost.

I practice martial arts and meditation to deal with them as much as I can. Exerting a great deal of energy into one single thing can change the way your brain thinks. Many people with depression excersise in some way or another. Running keeps you in shape and relieves stresses. I chose Bushido and Swordsmanship.

When you are depressed and worrying and alone shutting out the world seems like that last thing you want to do. But it really does help a lot without a whole lot of effort. If you want some sort of insight on these practices I recommend a book called The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. The book is translated from the author who is a Monk and available at many libraries. It's a manual on meditation starting with complete beginner methods.

I know this is a long post. I tend to ramble or go off track. But stresses MUST be relieved in some way. Especially daily stresses. So you gotta take some time out of the day to get them out. I meditate an hour each day and it helps me out a lot. Helps me train my mind to keep the information it gathers and filter out the rubble and debris of daily living.

I hope I was able to help or contribute in some way. And I really hope these worries and fears and stresses you have can be relieved. As a tip for you: In any event of stress relief the key is to not be bothered. Ask those around you to support you and not disturb you. Even little distractions can derail your efforts.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey, friend :)

Fighting not to lose control

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