The Suicide Rate, Again

I read something online about a woman that was having her house forclosed and she didn't know what to do so she called up her insurance company telling them that they will find her dead body in her house. They called the police and by the time they got there she was already dead. I really hate to say this but alot more of people are now taking there own lives because of the poor economy and the recession. I suffer from a mental illness and the economy isn't helping making matters any better for me. I find it so overwhelming to live on my own stressing over bills and can't pay all of my phone bill and being paranoid the my phone would get shut off. Also, I'm on antidepressants and they don't work for me at all so I may have to switch and I'm so sick of doing that.

Antidepressants don't really work that well because they all have the same side-effects. My medication has been making me feel aggreviated and moody with people lately.

This iniative which is up for vote next week makes it legal for patients with 6 mos to live to get a "life ending" medication prescription.  There is no counseling requirement and family cannot be notified.  Even the death cerfificate must list the illness not the suicide as the cause of death so the family will never know.  This has been disastrous for those living with depression.  I know for myself that I would have missed out on having my youngest child and living a pretty good life for the last 20 years if this had been around when I was misdiagnosed with a debilitating disease and told I had just about a year "maybe" to live and get my things in order.  How many will die who could have recovered, or even had a good last few months being with family and friends for those precious moments?  Please pray, talk with friends who live in WA state, or if you live here, please vote no on this.

i am one of those middle aged woman, going thru a divorce, my husband is beating me with words. The other night I wrote a suicide letter to my lawyer. that woke her up! almost all my family is dead and my husband has spent all our money. am i depressed? understatement!  Friends are a great support system, but , sometimes that is just not enough. My reasoning for commiting suicide was that I would be able to go home to God and be with peace. hail Mary!  But, I am still here, willing to go one more round with the soon to be X.

The following part of the story describes me to a "t":

"On the other hand is a group of women who find themselves in the opposite situation: never married...;...she never had any kids.  No significant family contacts nearby.  They may work but not find the job fulfilling.  These women may find themselves in the midst of an existential or midlife crisis, wondering what the point of life is."

I just finished a PHP prgram (Partial Hospitalization Program) where one gets intensive therapy without having to go inpatient. My depression was so deep that almost daily I had wanted to die. The program was very supportive and even though I do feel somewhat better, I am still struggling greatly. I am in the midst of getting a new job and finding a volunteer position to help myself. Also, the hospital gave me the name of a new therapist (movement and art therapist) and I am very excited about that.

For all who struggle, I started by just calling my insurance company and asking for the name of a psychiatrist and went from there. I didn't want to call community resources since I just moved here and didn't trust it. I have also talked to my spiritual leader at church.

Thanks for listening.

I am left to pick up the pieces.  It all started in May when I was late coming home from work, he was so upset that he told me to get out of his face.  I told him I wanted a kiss and I would go to the bedroom to change out of my suit from work.  He pulled out the loaded pistol, held it to my head and said 'Someone is going to die if you don't get out of my face' and to my sadness I moved out the next day.  Over the next six months I would spend half of my time between our marital home and living with family.  We could make it a couple of days and he would tell me that he hated me and wished I was dead.  Yet, I still love him and tried to make my marriage work because we promised each other a lifetime and five years was not long enough.

About  a month into our living separately we tried counseling.  Both counselors thought he was charming but noticed that his moods shifted frequently from one extreme to the other.  Both counseling programs ended with advice to me to stay out of the house for a while.  Fast forward to September, again another late evening at work, but this time I called him at lunch and told him that I would be no more than 30 minutes late getting home.  As I was getting ready to leave for the day, he called me and told me that he hated me, wished I was dead and regretted ever marrying me.

That was the last time that I spent any significant time with my husband.  Since September, he has not paid any bills, not worked and has continued to become more depressed.  I tried on several occassions to get him to stop drinking and enjoy a night out by going to dinner, but I can't try anymore.  On November 10, 2008 he decided it was time to finally be at peace.  Although we were not living together, the pain is very real.  See he decided to call me and shoot himself while we were on the phone.  His way of getting the last word.

I loved more with every day that passed and to me this has completly destroyed me and my world.  I am left to pick up the pieces and move forward.  I now have to select 'widowed' on forms at the age of 35.