Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Hello my name is Christina. I suffer from major depression. I have had depression since I was 12. Every year it gets worse. At times, I isolate myself from many people. When I do this people do not realize how depressed I am. Also, my depression has been so bad that it is hard to get out of bed. It is hard to keep functioning well at school and work. I have obsessive thoughts and worries that drive me crazy and keep me up all night. I am so sad and lonely, and sick of letting my devestating depression take over my life. It hurts so much to live this way!
Hello Christina Rose,
My heart went out to you when I read your post. You know, all too well, the devastating effects of major depression on your life, and it is very frustrating when others around you don't seem to understand the enormity of what you are going through.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and/or major depressive disorder since June, 1982. I know the feeling of isolating yourself and not being able to get out of bed or function at work and school. I used to (and still do) get panicky, thinking "Oh my God! What am I going to do? I have to get going and do what is expected of me!" I used to think I had no control over any of my feelings of depression. I used to give in and succumb to the depths of depression and I would end up hospitalized from taking an overdose of medication or because my family could not tolerate my lying around in bed, day in and day out.
I now have a 15-year old who will not ALLOW me to stay in bed for very long. He simply stays after me until I HAVE to get out of bed and face whatever demons I have got going on. He MAKES me talk to him about what is bothering me, and then he starts talking about ways to fix my problems. My God, he is tenacious. He refuses to give up until we have had a discussion about the matter. Because of his tenacity and stubbornness, I have been forced to get out of bed and to deal with my issues. Was it easy? Hell no! Was it worth it? Yes! I had been lying in bed from Monday night until Thursday afternoon, when my son had just had enough.
Today, I have a game plan in mind for how I am going to deal with my work and money problems. Before, I was just lying in bed, letting the problems fester inside of me and not getting any resolution to the things that were contributing to my depression.
I don't know if you have anyone in your life who can do what my son has done for me. If not, you might want to see if you can enlist the help of your therapist or counselor to help pull you out of the depths of depression. I know it is difficult to do it by yourself. I am not so sure I would be up and about today, if it were not for my son. But it is okay to allow others to help you. So often, depression is a disease of isolation and loneliness. It doesn't have to be that way. You can reach out to others in your struggle to come back from the living dead.
I wish you the very best, and I feel your pain. I know how debilitating depression can be, and it so necessary for each of us to fight it for all we are worth. If you are out of the fight, find someone who can help instill it back into you. A pastor, a friend, a mental health professional, a support group member or anyone else in your life you can trust.
Wishing you a day filled with peace and joy,
Kay