Hi, a lot of what you wrote sounded very familiar to me. Like you I have struggled with depression further back than I can remember (I know by what I wrote in diary entries) and no one noticed so I wasn't diagnosed for a very long time. Also like you I was considered very fortunate and so sympathy was non-existent and it wasn't until my parents realised how scarily real the idea that I might take my life might be that they stood up and took notice. In fact it wasn't until I had a full breakdown that those in my life really believed something was wrong with me - I'm intelligent, considered attractive (apparently - I still find this hard to believe because of contradictory bullying), and thus I must be capable at succeeding in life. If I don't its my fault. That's what people thought - the amount of times people have told me to 'get over myself' or 'think more positive', 'try harder' or stop my 'woe is me attitude' is enough to drive me insane if I wasn't already nuts! But I've had to learn to shut those people out because it's not very constructive and is a very wrong point of view.

I sincerely hope that you manage to find someone to talk to - it's very difficult, I still struggle with that. And if medications aren't working I often find it helps to find something to focus your energies on, thus taking away from your own thoughts. Something to obsess about, if I'm making any sense. In my case I write - I've written novels and TV shows, never really having any hope that they'll be read or made (every attempt I've made has been knocked back without surprise by me) but it's something to put my energies into and get away from myself for a while. I also jog and go for bushwalks to lose myself in nature, etc. I don't know what would work for you but that'd be my advice - see if you can't find a hobby to immerse yourself in. Like what Merely Me said about medication: it's not a cure, just a tool that can help aid you, but every tool you have in your belt that can help is a good thing. Right?