I also too have lived with someone who suffers from depression for 17 years.I have posted a longer explanation on this websites homepage. To sum up what I had posted, it's been a difficult year with his depression.I had finally gotten to a place where I accepted I was on my own, my kids were the focus and I had to protect us.I see a counselor to help me come to terms with this and help me find the strenghth to believe in myself. My husband felt the detatchment from me as I have nutured a healthier relationship for him and the kids. He attatches and detatches often. He had a breakdown late March and came to me for help. He was sick feeling he lost me completely and I comprimised my boudaries out of sorrow for him and love too.(not to say I was in love) Then an unexpected death happened in my family and I allowed myself to accept his compassion, only to have him leave again 2 weeks after this 8 week long experience.I am trying to get back to the place, emotionally guarded against this behavior( I now feel I was falling in love again) I continue therapy and am aware of what I'm living with. It's very difficult to break away from the one I love and the one who is damaging to our family. He now is dating and has listed himself single on a social network which I am troubled by. I am struggling with the results of how it is affecting me emotionally as to not take any of this depression he suffers from personally and stuggling too, with my own depressed state. My children, too, have been directly affected by this again and I am here for them but am weakened. Any words of encouragement or familiarity are appreciated.
Hello Identify
I am glad you posted here where you will be more likely to get a response from members.
My first thought when reading this is...that you were in a very vulnerable way. What happened with you feeling love again...is very human. And I can also see how you feel damaged by this whole process of his on and off again feelings. I always trust actions...and if he is saying he is single and dating...this doesn't bode well for any future with you.
Do you have supports to help you with your depression? Do you have a therapist or a counselor. Having someone to talk to...I am thinking...would be essential for your circumstance.
I am also thinking that you may be grieving right now...for the relationship that was and also maybe feeling some anger at getting caught up with him again.
As difficult as it may be...it may be time to move on and consider the relationship over. But we are only hearing some of your story.
Keep on writing and letting us know what is happening. I feel for you. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. But I do commend you for reaching out and sharing. This is an excellent first step towards healing.
I hope things get better for you. If it helps...keep writing here.
Thank you for your words of advice. I do have a councelor and had been working on seperating myself from my husband as what I have learned was the best thing for me, I did reach that place and was doing well, but my husband did not do so well when he felt the detatchment I had made and many,many emotions were displayed until he was phisically sick and came to me, I admit, I was there for him because I care about the person deeply who came to me. During that time I supported his recovering all the while thinking I was protecting myself from emotional pain myself. He was very attentive to our family which is a struggle for him when relaxed and comfortable.Then there was a death unexpectedly which was devasting to my side if the family as well as my husband himself. He was our support system at that time following his bout of depression 2 weeks prior. 2 weeks after that, he left me and my chidren again only to go so far as to be "single" now. I know I can't cure or "be worth fighting for" which is a stumbling block for me every time this has happened, with this depression he suffers from. I was past the emotional pain this behavior has caused, however, I believed his support to true along with his promises and was warned not to go there with him, it is exactly what he does that is so damaging to me and it's best if he find someone else. Apparently, the way I'm wired(if you will) is good for him and bad for me with this type of disorder he suffers. We together have been in marriage counceling and each have our own individual therpapist as well. And yes, I agree, I now am depressed with the feeling of loss and am getting help with that. My councelor has help me understand him, strenghten myself, detatch from him,and to feel this familiar pain again was unexpected to say the least,however I have survived before and will survive it again.