In the process of moving from celexa (citalopram) to effexor. Hoping it will help. The GP and pharmacist both say many people tolerate effexor with wellbutrin reasonably well. I shall see won't I? Effexor is a SNRI (I am given to understand) so it will also address my anxiety aka fear. So I've got wellbutrin and effexor for team Depression and Clonazepam (with our new friend  - hopefully - effexor) for team PTSD. Clearly Effexor is a Libra.

Being depressed is depressing. PTSD is just a new surprise everyday. People know me as fun, upbeat, etc. (or as a hag) but it takes so much energy to put on a game face and get out there and do lifelike things, it's easier to say "No thank you", deal with the strange looks and cave it. Plus my affinity for lightweight conversation is decidedly reduced. Some drunk guy told me I was too serious a while ago. I should have said something like "Well at least I'm not an inebriated ass" or something like that. I remain easily intimidated. Unless of course someone else is being ill-treated, then all bets are off. I am proud that I am a dog-with-a-bone advocate for others but not so much the self.

I can do fun still, yesterday I took my dog to the beach (he has learned to swim) and we played and he played with other dogs. I would rather be alone. In my interaction with other non-dog life forms I am too sensitive to their emotional states.  This is one of the gifts of trauma, it is good to be aware of one's surroundings in order that one can sense danger and - ipso facto -survive.  Confounding this is PTSD - danger lurks perpetually.  So as defense, as protection, my rearranged neurons have had a meeting. Thus, unanimously, it's hyperalert, all day every day! This alone accounts for the tiredness. 

I said I felt tired the other day and someone asked "What do you have to be tired about?". Sigh. Got a week? 

Well some brights spots looming, soon traveling east to hang out with family for 10 days. Love, six-pack inducing laughter and regression to childlike resentful states. The paradox of family.

Take care everyone.