Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I lost my mother and sister 10 years ago and my father when I was 13. I'm married but my husband is tired of my being sick all the time and is so busy I hardly see him. I was hurt at the office so I'm off work and in great pain and all alone. I have no one to talk with and keep thinking what is the point of living at all. I have no family except a brother and niece that I see once a year and another brother I haven't seen in 10 years. I tried talking to a friend but they just seem uncomfortable and don't want to hear...so I have to pretend I feel OK. I've spent my whole life being kind to everyone, but who is kind to me? When my mother died I was supposed to get the family house and would have been happy there forever but my second brother stole everything and then wouldn't sell his share to me, so the house was lost and bulldozed. I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would look after the house and my brother said..."She's dead, I don't care what she wanted! He had a great deal of money and yet he still he stole everything. He's living in luxury in another state. To make matters worse this brother sexally abused me all my life and I told no one because I knew he'd get in trouble. How stupid am I?! I also saved his life when we were in our 20's. No one would help me when my mother died. My mother's lawyer said the brother shouldn't have been in charge! Now I have nothing. My husband just said..."I told you your family was rotten!" But his family is no better. What am I to do, I feel so alone.
KC, I am sorry you are suffering so much and feel so alone. Do you have a doctor or a therapist you can talk to? Especially since you're feeling like life is pointless, I think it would be very important that you find a therapist or someone you can talk to safely. And, if you've never dealt with the sexual abuse by your brother, that is another thing that can be addressed - there are a lot of effects from that alone, especially when you can't or won't talk about it with anyone. You are not responsible for your whole family, for what your brother did and for not taking care of the house as your mother requested - it just wasn't possible under the circumstances.
There are a lot of people on this site who have gone through a lot and are struggling with depression, so I'm glad you reached out here. I hope you'll read some of the share posts and comments here and see that you are not alone. Life is not pointless, although I'm sure it probably feels like it now, especially when you're in a lot of physical pain, too. So, I hope you will find a therapist or doctor to get you started on the way to recovery in healing from the depression, as well as your physical injuries. Let us know how you're doing.
Hi KC,
You are not alone. You simply don't have anyone to speak to right now. Many negative things happened to you, however, they are over with now. It's hard to become detached from those experiences, but what has helped me and I hope it helps you too, is to realize that those experiences are gone now and the more you think about them the more they become real again. As mentioned, please see a therapist to speak about these experiences as they traumatized you. You need to get out of this rut and begin to live your life again.
Losing close family members especially a parent is one of the ultimate pains, but time does heal that pain. Your life is worth something. Please value your life and don't think it is worthless. Being kind to other's shows great compassion which is very special and unique. What has helped me is to help others who really need help such as animals in shelters or farm animals in slaughtering houses. By looking outside of yourself you will see that there are others who need your help.
I wish you the very best and sincerely believe, you have much to offer.
Best,
Sarah
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I have seen several therapists and doctors. The doctors have injured me further and the therapists don't help. I just got back from the worst physical therapy session. I could hardly walk out of the office and was in tears, the pain was so bad. I do think I'll try another physical therapist and maybe another therapist for the emotional stuff. I feel a little better just because you took the time to write....thank-you!
KC, I do hope you will try to find another therapist/psychologist. There are some good ones out there, so don't give up if you get one that doesn't fit for you. Some aren't very good and sometimes it's just a chemistry thing - it's just important that the person feels right and you trust him/her. Good luck with everything.
Thanks so much!