Grieving After Divorce

Ask the Expert Patient Health Guide
  • Question:


    Susan asked...


    I am so lost now I just can't seam to move on anymore. I have caught myself thinking about my ex-husband all the time now. I don't understand why I can't let go. I'm afraid I might be on the broader of being a stalker. No I am not going to his home or trying see him but I just sit and think about the what ifs.


    I love him still and I didn't want this divorce. This was forced on me. He couldn't stand the sickness I was going though. People I though was my friends told him that they felt I was faking being sick. I was just being lazy, He saw everything I was going though, why did he do this to me? I can't stand it any more. I feel so left behind and alone with out love anymore. I want to find help before I go crazy. I have even asked my daughters what their dad had to say about me. They won't answer me and I'm not going to push it. I just asking for trouble by even thinking about him.

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    I wish I knew why and when it all went wrong. I have tried to change and let go but nothing seam to help me. People say it is like braking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it is not. This is a person you have join in marriage before God. There are good and bad reasons for divorce don't get me wrong. I just wish that they would remove from the vows to death do us part and in sickness and in health. These have prove to be a big lie and I wish now that I had never said these things or got married to Austin. I miss him and I love him. All these 27 years are gone and I have nothing to show for it. He has moved on with his life and I am alone and stuck in the same rut with no way out. God please help me. I have try to talk to men on the net no hope. I don't want marriage just some friends that want stead me in the back anymore.





    Dear Susan,


    Divorce can be a great deal like grieving a death. In a way it is; divorce is the death of a marriage, and you are obviously grieving it.


    You feel that you have nothing to show for your years of marriage. I don't know you very well, but I suspect that you have more to show for those years than you realize. Certainly, you have your daughters. Someday, you may also have grandchildren. You do still have a family, even if it's not the family you envisioned.


    Your husband has, as you said, moved on. Somehow, you have to let go and get on with your life too. The rest of your life is going to be what you make it, and living in the past isn't going to allow you the life you deserve.


    Are you talking to a counselor or therapist about your feelings? We all need help sometimes. If you're not talking with a professional, please consider it?


    Good luck,


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    I hope you find this general medical and health information useful, but this Q & A is meant to support not replace the professional medical advice you receive from your doctor. For all personal medical and health matters, including decisions about diagnoses, medications and other treatment options, you should always consult your doctor. See full disclaimer.

Published On: October 01, 2007