At the End of My Depression

Ask the Expert Patient Health Guide
  • Question:


    MotoC wrote...


    I know there are different types of depression but what's left when you are at an end? I don't seem to have anything left to live for, no family, no friends, all I have left is my work. I feel that since I can not have kids I've nothing left to pass on or contribute too. I don't like to talk in person to anyone about my problems because I know everyone has their own to deal with and I don't want someone to just feel pity for me. Maybe someone out there can really help but it would have to be soon.

    Maybe things will be different in the next life.





    Dear MotoC,

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    It's hard to answer a question like this without sounding trite and cliché, but some things that may sound that way are really true. Please consider a few things...


    You're never "at the end" unless you decide you're at the end. There's always help out there. You're welcome to post here for information and support. People aren't going to pity you. You may also find, however, that you also need some one-on-one support from a counselor and maybe some medication, maybe no medication. We can offer you support, but we can't diagnose or offer you the treatment you may need. That needs to come from a doctor or counselor. A good place to start is by discussing this with your family doctor and asking for a referral. I know it's hard to talk in person, but there just isn't any true substitute for that kind of personal attention and help.


    You do not have to have children to be complete or to pass things on and contribute to life. This I can tell you from personal experience. I grew up truly wanting nothing more than I wanted to be a mother. Nature, however, didn't go along with my wished. I was able to conceive, but miscarried, and was told that I couldn't carry a baby, that I couldn't have children. BUT, today, I have two sons, two daughters in-law, and nine -- count them -- nine grandchildren. Needing something other than work, I volunteered at our local community theatre. Two boys I had met at church (they were acolytes) began working backstage, and soon their father joined them. Since he was there with his sons, I assumed John had a wife at home. Wrong. He was divorced, with custody of the boys. To cut to the chase -- we fell in love and got married. I instantly had two sons. Truly, I couldn't feel more like their mother if I actually had given birth to them. So, even though you cannot biologically father children, you can have children and a family. You might meet a woman who already has children. You could also adopt.


    MotoC, there's a world out there with a great deal to offer you. You can make the effort to get out and make friends. From there, you may well meet someone to share your life with. Not being biologically able to have children isn't the end of the world. You can still find someone to share your life with and adopt or help raise their children if they have any. Plus, being single isn't all bad either. If you ask someone who's married, and they're honest, it's highly likely that they'll tell you there are things they miss about being single, and perhaps even that there are times when they wish they were single. The bottom line is that it doesn't take another person to make you whole. In fact, in the best relationships, each person is a complete and fulfilled person on their own. That's a real gift that people can bring to relationships.


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    Please, go talk with someone who can help you?


    Good luck,


    About Ask the Expert Patient:


    If you would like to ask a question about depression or living with depression, please write a SharePost and be sure to select “a question” in the drop-down menu next to “I want to create a SharePost that is a,” which is Step 2 on the SharePost creation screen.  I will post my responses to your questions each week.


    Please keep in mind that I am not a physician. I cannot diagnose or give medical advice. This section is for sharing information and offering support as a nonphysician “Expert Patient.”


    I hope you find this general medical and health information useful, but this Q & A is meant to support not replace the professional medical advice you receive from your doctor. For all personal medical and health matters, including decisions about diagnoses, medications and other treatment options, you should always consult your doctor. See full disclaimer.

Published On: November 08, 2007