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Hi all,
I feel overwhelmed. Just don't know how to handle things. One at a time, I know...but I feel so overwhelmed...
I am not ready to move to a home that my father helps me buy. He is sending emails about it. I need some financial help and asked and he said he would think about it. I hate, hate, hate needing help and from a person that terrifies me..... I am ill with three debilitating things- depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia...makes it very hard to function at even 80% as most probably know...
I need to get well...but how? I need a lot of things mostly to take the stress off which is making these conditions so much worse...
Yes, my father is willing to help me to buy a home but I am scared...I want to be well, to work, to do it myself....not have anyone help me and especially someone I am so terrified of....too stressed to think about moving now...have to pay my bills now...have to take care of everyday things...
My boyfriend is here and is supportive sometimes...
My stomach is so tight from fear and anxiety....I know take it one day at a time..but I feel panic...
I am having to drive on the freeway an hour to get to a program for some outpatient therapy...cognitive behavioral which seems to be what works for me for depression....but it is so stressful to get there, to do all I have to do..isn't there any easier way?
I want a future, to be able to work, not be sick, not have to ask for help,
There is a part of me that wants to pack the car up, drive back to AZ and start over again there, where I was last working and living 7 years ago...
I am confused...I need more support here and am looking and feel too isolated...
Marishka
Have you talked to your CBT therapist about how the drive to an appointment, and the drive home, leave you stressed out and even more anxious? I had that same problem. I had started seeing her because she was near where I worked, in Dallas. But then I quit my job and moved to Fort Worth, about an hour's drive through heavy traffic. The medications were making me sleepy and it was hard to focus on the road. When I realized it was unsafe to keep making the drive, I found a therapist who was closer. She was also more helpful. Is there any way you can find a therapist near you? I know in some places, some circumstances, you HAVE to drive a distance to get to doctors and therapists. If she is helpful, I would say to keep going. But be honest with her about having to find a solution.
Oh, moving is sooooo difficult. It is overwhelming just to think about it, I know. You probably already know all the tricks, like dividing "moving" into small, individual tasks that you CAN handle. Although at times, that is even too much. I know. I have been there. I would have been very hesitant to ask my own father for financial help. For one thing, he and my mom didn't have much money. And they had already taken care of me for 12 years when I was at my sickest. How could I ask for more? It is hard to save money, isn't it, when budgeting the little you have is hard enough. Right now, I am barely scraping by and have lived alone for almost a year. My dad passed away several years ago. My mother would gladly give me all the money she has, but I certainly do not want that. I have to take care of myself. I want and need to take care of myself. If you dad will help, though, let him. Unless dealing with him is too terrifying. You don't need that.
It seems like there is more than one answer for every question, doesn't it? And it is hard to make decisions when you are depressed. All you can do is make the best decision you can today, and never look back. Never question your decision. Keep going forward.
Hi Donna,
thanks. I feel torn between taking the help which I sometimes believe I absolutely need and other times tell myself I should be able to do it myself and wonder if I should just move back to where I was living before in AZ...I think some middle ground is probably best for almost everything ...
My parents have been out of the picture most of my life...they just don't know how to be there emotinally as parents ...they can't help it so I finally stopped turning to them about 10 years ago...emotionally...but financially my father has the means to help and financially is where I am baffled about how I am going to handle things that have gotten so messed up...
basically since I had no emotional support (and worse but I won't go into that, I don't like to...) or guidance ....things got a bit tough for me when difficulties arose in my life..and financially is where I had/have a lot of the stress...which brings on my illnesses...
I never had anywhere supportive to go when things got hard, when I lost my job etc. no one to go live with...
I feel bad taking the financial help but I feel worse suffering to a point that is unbearable and just letting myself flounder and worsen when something could be done....
Can I ask how your parents helped you for 12 years? Did they let you live with them or help you with food, money? I suppose in a perfect world, we would all have families with plenty of love, resources, people and support where you could go anytime you needed to and find love, hugs, safety, security and kindness and a warm bed...mine had very little of the other things except financial support, food and shelter...(which I greatly appreciate)
I don't want to hurt my parents in any way including financially...I worry....I am worried for me right now though since my depression is so bad, plus fibromyalgia plus anxiety that doing it alone just isn't feasible...I have a boyfriend too...but anyway...
I agree, there are many answers and I just want to pick a middle ground way I think, what can be the best option...
thank you for your sharing and support...
tired, writing too much probably..have a good night.
Marishka
I quit a really good-paying job in 1997 because I was too sick to work anymore. I moved in with my parents. For about 7 years, I didn't do anything. They didn't ask me to pay for anything and didn't ask me to help around the house. They told me to save my money for when I was able to live independently. When my dad died in 2005 (Alzheimer's and ulcerative colitis and 2 broken hips) I took over a lot of things to help Mom. I began to pay for groceries, phone bills, cable TV. I started doing some of the housework, even cooking. Finally my first real steps toward recovery began then, when I had responsibilities. When I was willing to try. I started exercising, eating right, helping others, and the healing began. My dad was making $8/hr driving a nursing home van and doing maintenance there. My mom was teaching sewing classes to make ends meet, so they really didn't have money. But they opened their home to me and gave me my old bedroom back and I was grateful. And now that my mother is recovering from a broken hip, I am able to give back through caregiving, housekeeping, and emotional support.
Hi Donna,
that is very fortunate that you had a place to go and get well....I know I have to be busy...I can't do nothing...so I have to figure out a good balance for myself...sounds like your parents were really there for you, and now you can be there for your mom...
thanks for sharing and for your suport,
Marishka
Hi Donna,
You may want to see if you can find a good therapist who you can really trust and talk to. You can try this site to find a therapist: http://www.MyTherapistMatch.com
Corey