Hi all,
Do you think there is anything good about having depression? Anything gained from it? I would like to think so, maybe a silver lining...
Marishka
Hi all,
Do you think there is anything good about having depression? Anything gained from it? I would like to think so, maybe a silver lining...
Marishka
Hi Marishka, people often say I'm wise for my age. I'm pretty sure that's cause of what I have gone through with my depression. Also I can use what I've gone through in my acting and writing (unfortunately it can hinder both too but we're looking at the positives right now).
I think in general it helps people be empathetic, and it can make us far more grateful for small things than most people. How many of us have felt like they were walking on sunshine simply because they had a day when the depression has eased up after bogging us down for so long? How many 'normal' people would be so grateful for that same day seeing as they haven't felt our level of crappiness? Just a thought...
Hi Lyra,
yes, thank you...I do relate...a day of nonsuffering feels wonderful to a person who has suffered so much from depression...but when it hurts so bad, don't you just feel you wish you could have less real good and real bad, just middle! I do...but I do know what you are saying and when I feel better, I totally know...
thank you,
Marishka
Hi, Marishka. For me, I'd say depression is the thing that got me to start understanding myself, to realize that in order to keep safe, I had no opinions, thought I was never angry, obeyed all the rules, etc. Oh, my, was I wrong. There's been a lot of anguish over things I've never had, things I've lost, relationships that were harmed - but, as they say, when I know better I will do better. I looked at therapy as an adventure in discovering who I am, even the shadow parts I'd rather not admit to but there they are, nevertheless.
I hope some day you will see your silver lining!
Hi Judy,
thank you, your words really comfort me...I am trying in therapy to discuss these things...I do like my therapist this time....but unfortunately like I think I mentioned...I am triggered into panic just by her name! Same as my mothers and you can imagine maybe? why did I pick her? well, it didn't seem to be unbearable at the time...I do think you mentioned a cognitive therapist and I agree, I think that would help me a lot...I just don't want to keep changing stuff...I have a weird way of panicking and attributing 'bad omen' feeling to anything that 'triggers' me to past associations...do you have any ideas on how to stop that? I need to stop doing that...
thank you,
Marishka
Therapy was my first real look inside myself. But it was complicated by the fact that I used dissociation as a way to self-protect. And every time we would get near something that caused anxiety, I would go blank to the point where I couldn't even understand what my therapist was saying. I couldn't even finish a sentence I'd started. This went on for quite a while, but gradually I learned to trust her. And when I couldn't say something "out loud" then I would write a letter to her and let her read it. Before therapy, I felt like I was the only person in the world who was suffering. When I learned differently, my life started to change. Instead of a constant diet of self-thoughts, I began to think about other people in a different, more positive way.
Marishka, I think the only way to get over the "bad omen" feeling assicated with triggers is to forge ahead and talk about them. If anyone should feel safe, it should be in a therapist's office...you say you like her? Have you told her that her name even panics you, and why? Try to let it all out. Be completely honest. Do you know what "stream of consciousness" writing is? Webster's says it is "the continuous unedited chronological flow of conscious experience through the mind." To me, that's what needs to happen in therapy.
Donnna
Marishka, I agree totally with Donna - you need to talk about your triggers, most especially her name. Maybe you can work something out to call her something else, or do something like EMDR to desensitize yourself to her name. I have found the greatest relief in being able to get the hardest things out and, like Donna, I also wrote letters for a long time to express what I couldn't say out loud, which helped immensely.
Good luck, Marishka - let us know how it goes.
Hi hopeful,
I'm sorry you feel depressed too...
I know it feels that it is always that way many times...but I think in depression, we get that all or nothing thinking, black and white thinking where we feel things are all bad, have always been all bad and will always be all bad...I think this is just the depression thinking...can you think of any good times? I know its hard when we feel depressed...just even a moment listening to birds or something? I know I enjoy the sun on my skin...
I hope you feel some joy soon,
Marishka
Mostly when I was younger, I did things to physically hurt myself. Like cutting. The pain let me know I was alive. At some point, I think depression became a substitute for the physical pain. Depression was emotional and mental pain. Not much of an exchange, huh? But it did serve to remind me that I was alive. As in, "I feel pain, therefore I am alive." And how did I wean myself off of that? I'm not really sure. Probably a combination of medications, avoiding stressful situations, being with people who were upbeat and hopeful, and the discovery that I was not alone. We all have our own problems, be they physical, mental, financial, emotional, relational, et al. And when I could relieve the problems of others or just be there for support, I realized that was what I was meant to do. When I start isolating myself and turning inwards again, then the depression comes back.
I'm not sure that this is what you were asking. I think depression has made me more aware of how other people are feeling. It has increased my capacity for concern, compassion, even love.
Hi Donna,
well that certainly seems like a good thing, increase capacity for compassion, empathy and love...out of depression...I just wish it wasn't such a painful route...but to develop these is a silver lining I can see....
thank you for your feedback,
Marishka