scared...

Marishka Community Member March 08, 2010
  • I am scared.  I just feel scared.  I feel alone and sad.  Just so alone and sad. Not like writing, not like reaching out.  I was anxious, overwhelmed...then I got scared, then that turned to anger, then I internalized that, I feel very scared and depressed ...I can see what happens, but I need support....the mind is so hard to deal with in depression....I need support and encouragement...

     

    Marishka

9 Comments
  • Merely Me
    Health Guide
    Mar. 08, 2010

    Hey Marishka

     

    What's going on?  It seems you are in a bad feedback loop of one emotion feeding off of another one...so you are feeling angry, scared and depressed.  Can you tell us more about it?  What has provoked these feelings to the surface?

     

    We are glad you are here and talking about it.

    • Marishka
      Mar. 09, 2010

      Hi Merely Me,

       

      My mind starts spinning into fear and panic then which I think is common with too much idle time, ...fears about the future...projecting the worst....about running out of money, not being well enough to work, not enough suport, just panic about everything... etc etc....I need to be working and busy... and I am sick...it just feels overwhelming...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi Merely Me,

       

      My mind starts spinning into fear and panic then which I think is common with too much idle time, ...fears about the future...projecting the worst....about running out of money, not being well enough to work, not enough suport, just panic about everything... etc etc....I need to be working and busy... and I am sick...it just feels overwhelming sometimes when I cannot see answers and am in pain...

       

      I have a good friend who has DID and she has her father's credit card which she can use anytime...she knows what I go through, the terror, disociation, panic (the trauma she went through brought on her DID)..her husband's parents gave them the house they live in, his parents give them money every month to live on since he has a hard time working...she has not seen her father in 14 years since she gets sent into terror as well....she really understands my situation which is very comforting...not easy to cope with...

       

      I am not moving anywhere right now, I feel really not good...I am planning on going to another outpatient program, get some more support, then move maybe in a few months...or not, don't know...I have to ask for some help, I only have one family and thank God, I suppose they have some finanical support..no emotional support whatsoever, but I can be grateful for what I do have...

       

       

      Ideally, familes are supposed to come and care for you, give you emotional support, love, tea, hugs, money if you need it, a nice warm place to stay if you are sick...my family has not ever been there like this and probably never will be...makes life hard...but they can provide money for me so...how do I take the help offered and not get terrified....is my question?

       

      My body is just shaking in fear and my head hurts...but I have my qigong class in an hour and this will help....the man who teaches it is great, is battling cancer and laughs through the whole thing...I think he has lots of pain...is inspiring...

       

       

      Marishka

       

       

    • yxhdswl
      Jul. 29, 2010

      i got the same feel like you, and i always think about something bad. such as death, trafficaccident, cancle and so on , i can't help by myself , the most helpful way is not to think about them, just think more happy things! such as famiy or friends get tother... every thing will be ok!Cheap Jordans

  • Tiffany
    Mar. 21, 2010

    i got the same feel like you, and i always think about something bad. such as death, trafficaccident, cancle and so on , i can't help by myself , the most helpful way is not to think about them, just think more happy things! such as famiy or friends get tother... every thing will be ok! Tiffanys

    • xldswlxh
      Jul. 29, 2010

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      RHMLucky777

      Read More

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  • LyraStorm
    Mar. 09, 2010

    Hi Marishka,

    We are here for you. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful at the moment... it's funny how much easier it is to support another then support ourselves, isn't it? You've been so kind, being there for me, I hope I can help you feel maybe at least a bit better by being here for you too.

     

    What is it that has you so scared right now? Scared of life?...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hi Marishka,

    We are here for you. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful at the moment... it's funny how much easier it is to support another then support ourselves, isn't it? You've been so kind, being there for me, I hope I can help you feel maybe at least a bit better by being here for you too.

     

    What is it that has you so scared right now? Scared of life? People? Changes? 

     

    Is it like what Michel said about being overwhelmed and needing to take one thing at a time - if that is the case you might want to try writing a list so you know all of that stuff is safely there and you don't have to think about it, to remember it, and can go back in your own time as you focus on one thing - let yourself know that this way you are doing the best job you can do, and that you'd be overwhelmed otherwise, so there is no need to feel guilty because everything at once would be determinental...

     

    Anyway like I said it's so much easier to give advice then help oneself - I'm terrible at folowing my own advice Laughing I hope you feel at least a bit better soon.

    • Marishka
      Mar. 09, 2010

      Hi Lyra, lol, that made me smile...

       

      yes, I am going through a lot right now..thank you for reminding me to take one thing at a time...

       

      what has me all afraid is the emails from my father, and needing some help financially until, God willing, I can work again...I asked for some help and he said not until I move and find a home...this whole home...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi Lyra, lol, that made me smile...

       

      yes, I am going through a lot right now..thank you for reminding me to take one thing at a time...

       

      what has me all afraid is the emails from my father, and needing some help financially until, God willing, I can work again...I asked for some help and he said not until I move and find a home...this whole home thing has me terrified...should I really move to another home he helps me buy?  or should I just get back in my car, drive back to AZ and get far away from him ?   and I need money before that to make ends meet...so I have to ask again and I hate how asking and then waiting for a response and then getting an email sends me into panic and terror...

       

      this time my boyfriend read it instead of me...but didn't help too much...the terror and rage came up...

       

      I don't know what to do about it all...I know I cannot move now...from my apartment, I am too sick and exhausted...I just don't know what to do about it all...I need help but don't know how much and don't know how your father is, but mine terrifies me....so I have to keep contact as little as possible....but then when we are sick, we need help...so on and on it goes...until we heal I suppose...

       

      your story of the girl among the men really hit home for me...I think I told you I cried...the feelings in your head, I can really identify with too...sometimes the pressure just seems unbearable...

       

      yes, I agree it is easier to see other's issues clearly and be supportive than to solve our own!  But like you said,  just one at a time...

       

      thank you,

       

      Marishka