As a 2010 new year's resolution, I was determined to, for the first time ever, see a Psychologist/Therapist. It took until March for me to finally get the courage up to make an appointment. I have now gone to see my therapist four times, with another appointment coming up in a couple of days. I will just say it now, early in my post,...I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO!
My psychologist/therapist pegged one of my main issues from the first visit! I couldn't believe it. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. I have now learned that this has affected my life tremendously. It has shaped who I am and how I act greatly. My psychologist/therapist suggested, during my first appointment, that I read, It Could Never Happen To Me, as a homework assignment. She suggested that I read it slowly and in stages, as it would stir up some very big emotions and that crying was ok.
I thought to myself, I never cry! What does this woman think of me? Does she think that I am some weakling of a person? I have survived more than what most people could even imagine. What does she possibly know? To say the least, I was a bit offended and disappointed. I thought, wow, I've gone to one appointment and she thinks that she can fix me by suggesting a book for homework. What the heck?
But, in wanting to be a good student and wanting to show this perfect stranger that I was a credible person, I ordered the book, (used, online for $1.00 plus $2.99 S&H). I proceeded to read the whole book! I know that I was supposed to read it a little at a time, but I COULD NOT PUT THE BOOK DOWN! It was like the book had been written with me in mind. This psychologist/therapist "perfect stranger" had pegged me right from the start as a child of an alcoholic in the very first (50 minute) appointment!!!
I have always known that I was different from other people. I have always known that I was: the responsible person, the fix it and make it all better person, the happy all the time person, the do things right person, the don't cause trouble person, the don't ever get angry person, the don't ever give a different opinion person and the don't tell, don't feel and don't show your real emotions person. BUT,...TO SEE IT ALL WRITTEN IN BLACK AND WHITE, SOME HOW MADE IT ALL REAL TO ME. It made me realize that I was molded to be the dysfunctional, antisocial, depressed adult that I am today.
I have always gotten annoyed with people who blame their problems on their childhoods/their upbringing. NOW WHAT??? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT?!?!?!?!? It seems that I don't know how to really feel at all...............
Hi there
I think that sometimes an insight like this can change your life. I don't think it is about blame so much as...a recognition of why certain aspects of your personality or how you cope...exist. And then you find that there is much you can do to heal.
I wrote a post recently you may wish to read called Adult Children of Alcoholics and Depression. And some members did recognize themselves in some of the common traits and characteristics.
My father died of his alcoholism and it is something...I can never forget. Some things change your life forever. But you can survive and...you can heal. This is the message I wish to give to you.
Anyways...there are many of us here...and I am planning on Fridays to have some life skills exercises for those of us who suffer from depression...and I am using an ACoA workbook. So I do hope you join us.
Thanks so much for sharing all of this. I know this is huge. Keep talking to us.