Two days till I start a group therapy class!

By Rena Tuesday, September 21, 2010

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Two days till I start a group therapy class! What the heck was I thinking? I only started therapy for the first time every, in March. Go Big or Go Home, I guess. Personaly, right now I would like to stay home and crawl into a dark corner. I knew I would do this. I knew that when the time approached, I would get very nervous and consider backing out so,... I payed my $ ahead of schedule and I even scheduled a personal appointment with my therapist tomorrow, to discuss my anxiety issues and hopefully, put my mind at ease about this group class. Ha Ha I showed ME didn't I! Now, I am wishing I hadn't done that, but I did and now I am committed.

Do all of us do this Jeckle and Hyde thinking? This seems perfectly normal (if there is such a thing), to me. I am always heading myself off at the pass to do what needs to be done or what I know I should be doing. I "make" myself do thinks I really don't want to do every day, for appearances sake, to seem to everyone around me, that I am happy go lucky and "normal". It is exhausting.

The class will consist of five people total. I believe that they are all women, but I will have to wait and see. There will be four participants and a therapist. The group is suppose to focus on (as written in an email from my therapist): Clear thought, sustainable self trust, successfully attained personal goals, creativity, health, wisdom, joy, comfort/support/encouragement and fun.

Fun,...are you kidding me? I know that when this meeting time arrives, I would rather be stabbed, than walk into that room with four strangers. My therapist will be there, and I really like her but, to inflict this type of pain on myself, now seems crazy. I know there is a purpose but still!

My therapist assured me that she has chosen the individuals very carefully and this group is by invitation only and for those that she feels will really benefit from this group. She has been very proactive on emailing me about the group and has even emailed me today about my personal appointment tomorrow. Its like she knows what I am thinking! Clever Therapist! LOL

I am most worried about looking like an idiot. I am worried about what to wear and what to say. Do I just throw it all out there and be myself? I'm not sure I know how to do that. I've never done that. I prefer to be the quiet one sitting in the back row. I hate classroom participation. I was the kid in grade school who knew how to spell the word correctly when we were having spelling bee's, but spelled the work wrong intentionally so I did not have to participate. I am the oldest child of an alcoholic who hid everything, made us seem normal, took care of everything (and still does). I'm not sure I really even have a real personality?!?!??!?

Today I go to My 1st Group Meeting!

Comments (9) | Add comment

Merely Me, Health Guide

9/21/10 7:52pm

Seriously...I really am excited for you. I think this is a huge thing and you have every right to feel nervous...I know I would too. But I really think you can do this and it just may be a very good experience for you. Hey...if it isn't...you can always choose to not be part of this group. But you are giving it a try and that is all anyone can ask of themselves.

I want you to read this one post I wrote a long time ago on here about my own social anxiety and joining a group...for people with social anxiety. It can be a very scary experience for those of us who have this type of anxiety. But...as you say...your therapist has hand selected the people...I do believe it will be a safe environment.

And...look at it this way...these other people...they may be just as nervous as you are! You will not look like an idiot because you are not an idiot. You are a very articulate woman. Maybe this could be something you can discuss during this group...the fact that you are feeling nervous and...it could be a topic to explore.

Instead of looking at it as...how am I going to mess up and look stupid...look at it as...what do I expect to gain from this experience? How can I give and receive help and support in this environment? What can I learn from doing this? You know what I am saying?

This is huge...this reminds me of Lyra...talking about her classes and going out socially. I think it gets easier over time.

You can do this! We will support you through this a hundred percent. Just be yourself...there are no right or wrongs.

I feel like a proud mama. It seems like so many of our members are moving forward with these wonderful growing experiences...I can't wait to hear all about it!

You go girl!

Rena

9/21/10 8:16pm

Thank you for posting. You have already made me feel better. I will check out your post right away. You are My Fairy God Mother!

I never thought of the things you mentioned: Instead of looking at it as...how am I going to mess up and look stupid...look at it as...what do I expect to gain from this experience? How can I give and receive help and support in this environment? What can I learn from doing this?

These other people are like me. They will be nervous too. I never considered that. They are going to be there for help too. You are absolutely right! Clever Girl! THANK YOU!!!

Judy

9/21/10 11:49pm

Hi, Rena. I think it's good that you're starting this group and I want to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. Every time I've started in a new group, it takes forever for me to feel like I can say anything - and this was with my therapist running them, too. I used to think stuff like, maybe I'll say something that will be totally opposite what I've told my therapist in a session and then she'll know I'm lying about everything! She used to tell me that group was a replication of our families and how you relate to the others may be a lot like you related to your parents and siblings, depending on what role these other women end up playing in your head. And trust me, you will eventually have some fun, believe it or not. Sometimes things just get funny when you're all in the same boat.

Just take a deep breath, tell yourself that you're nervous but it won't kill you and that you can do this - I'm glad you already paid your money! That's one way to get yourself to follow through. Let us know how it goes, okay? Best of luck!

Rena

9/23/10 12:34pm

Thanks so much Judy. I hope you are right and it does turn out to be fun. As they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. How many of these groups have you been to? Did some benefit you more than others? Do they get easier the more you do? Do they really help?

As you can tell, I've got a lot of questions. Sorry about that. Thanks again for the encouraging reply.

Judy

9/23/10 12:49pm

Hi, Rena. The first two groups I was in were for sexual abuse survivors and yes, I did find them quite helpful because we were all in the first stages of therapy. I'm still a friend of a couple of people from those groups. The one I'm in now is very informal and geared to women 50+ who are either retired or planning on it and are trying to figure out what they want to do with this gift of time.

I think the main purpose of group therapy is to help you realize you are not alone, no matter what you've been there, and you get to hear first-hand how other people are coping (or not); it's a safe place to explore feelings and ideas and to be accepted for the person you are.

I hope it goes well for you - am anxious to hear, too, how you like it.

Rena

9/23/10 1:34pm

Hey Judy! I'm really glad to hear that the groups you have been involved in, have helped you. That is very encouraging. I am very nervous about interacting with other people. I am not good at expressing myself, or talking about myself to other people.

I guess you could say that I am in the first stages of therapy, as I just started therapy of any kind, in March. I have learned to much already, I am kind of excited about learning more. I just don't want to make a complete fool of myself.

Thanks for commenting. You have made me feel much better.

Hypno

9/22/10 6:11am

You know that person ...the one who does know how to spell the word...the one who is capable of doing anything you WANT to do...and of doing it WELL. The one who perhaps needs to take responsibility and accountability for yourself again. The one who can accept yourself with all your weaknesses. The one who no longer needs to be accepted by anyone other than yourself.The one who no longer needs to live to please others and NOW is able to say, speak out and DO everything that is necessary to LIVE your FUTURE with acceptance, peace, serenity and at ONE WITH YOURSELF. It doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you NOW GIVE TO YOURSELF THE LONG OVERDUE CARE AND ATTENTION YOU DESERVE. The group therapy session is not a competitive situation...you can't fail at it...you won't be criticised for saying the wrong thing or wearing the wrong clothes. Just co-operate with your therapist and the others allow the group to work its magic qualities of connection and communication. You don't have to like everyone, just go with acceptance of others and of yourself with warts and all.

On a more practical note....did you know that the feeling of anxiety is very much the same as the feeling of anticipatory excitement! So don't mistake the feeling and kid yourself that it is anxiety!

Go to the group and ENJOY being in the company of others who understand what you're going through. Accept the fact the it's not all about you...you can give to them as well. Just Go for it! ....

....and please let me know how you got on...what you liked about the group session, what you didn't like about the group session, what you'll do differently next time you go....

Respectively Yours

Hypno

Rena

9/23/10 12:50pm

Hey Hypno! Thanks so much for your wise words. You are right. I just need to calm down and focus on being myself. I am there to help me and to help the others in the group. It is not a pass/fail class. There is no wrong answers. I just need to relax. Today is the day. I think I will do a share post. It will make me feel better, I think.

Thanks again.

Two days till I start a group therapy class!

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