Today is the day! I will be going at 07:00 pm, to my very first ever, group meeting. There will be five people total, participating in the group with my therapist running the meeting. Four of us are women and one man. My therapist is a woman. I really like her. She is very kind and immediately has a calming effect on me. The man in the group owns his own successful business. The other two women participants are an archaeologist and a college professor. This makes me uncomfortable, as the other participants are all successful people with "big brains". Yikes!
I work at a government research and testing laboratory. I am comfortable climbing around on a nuclear test reactor, but still, I don't feel that I am in a class with these people! I don't really feel that I am in a class with anyone for that matter. I guess growing up being told I was "stupid" or "dumb" really worked huh?
I'm so glad that I posted two days ago and received great feed back from Merely Me, Judy and Hypno. Their comments made me feel a whole lot better. I am much calmer, thanks to you all, than I thought I would be. Thank you MM, Judy and Hypno!!! I have taken the day off work to mentally prepare myself (if that can actually happen, HA).
My personal meeting with my therapist yesterday helped a lot too. We worked on some meditation techniques to help me relax. I think this will help me a lot, as I have a hard time really calming down and listening to my real thoughts and what I really want. I generally focus on getting things done for everyone else first and never have time left over for me.
Wish me luck, I'm gonna need all the help I can get to do this. 
No Pain, No Gain!
Dear Relaxing Rena,
You have hit the nail on the head....your goals to focus more on what you want and less on what others want will bring you new opportunities to relax and be calmer and more confident and have greater self-esteem. Try and incorporate lots of new experiences...even in the things you do every day .... try to be in the moment...capture information from every sense ... touch (textures, grip etc), taste (quality not quantity!), what do you see (colour, shapes and try to use your peripheral vision more as well - widen your viewpoint), what do you hear (sounds in the foreground and background). You will always be able to help others but from now on from a more detached and objective position...it is so much healthier without the element of needing to please others in order to feel good about yourself. Help people without the expectation of reward through praise...and if you get criticised..ask yourself "I wonder why this person feels the way they do?" ...know yourself...know your strengths and weaknesses....and recognise and take new opportunities as they reveal themselves to you. the truth is they are all around you...your brain until now is not been FOCUSing on them and NOW it WILL! :)
Well!!!!!!!!!!!! How did the group meeting go....???????? I'm really interested to know how you got on......good bits, not so good bits, any reflections on what you are going to follow up on....etc.
With Respect
Hypno
Thanks for such a positive reply. You are so right. I am really going to have to push myself hard on this one. I have just posted about my 1st meeting. It was really tough on me, but I am determined to stick with it. No Pain, No Gain!
Thanks again for taking the time to comment. You make me feel better!