My 1st Group Meeting.

By Rena Saturday, September 25, 2010

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I went to my very first ever Group Therapy Class on 9-23-10 at 07:00 pm. The session lasted for 1.5 hours. There were (4) participants and my therapist. The (4) participants consisted of an archeologist, a college professor, a successful business owner and me!

I am still recovering from the initial shock of it all. I am not sure if I did well or not?!?!?! I know that my therapist told me that this was not a graded course and that it was simply to learn and interact within a group setting. She said that I just needed to relax and enjoy the experience. I went in not knowing what the "protocol/rules of the game" were. I felt unprepared and nervous even though I had a personal therapy session with my therapist the day before. I tried to be polite and cordial. I stood and introduced myself, when the others came in, shaking their hands and smiling to make them feel and make myself look comfortable. I performed just like I would do at any semi formal gathering/professional meeting.

NOTE: As I always say, "It's all about the show!"

Then we all sat in a circle and the nervous pain and discomfort began. We had to state our names and what we did for a living, taking turns one my one. We then had to state what we had been doing for the summer one my one.

NOTE: I hate "ice breakers". The "classroom participation" thing was really, really tough on me. My voice was quivering. I was embarrassed. I just wanted to bolt from the room! I hate to have any attention on me. I prefer to be a wall flower and just listen. I just hate to speak in front of people. It was tough.

Then the therapist talked for a few minutes about basic rules of the group: being on time, being quiet when others are speaking, not interjecting, taking turns in a rhythmic clockwise fashion to promote calmness and comfort, being supportive of other group members and etc.

NOTE: I was fine with this. I like rules. It makes me feel more comfortable to know what the rules of the game are and what is expected. I Hate Surprises! I hate being put on the spot!

Then, the Sucker Punch from out of nowhere! The therapist stated that I was new to the group and that all the other members had been participating in the group sessions for 1 or 2 years.

NOTE: Are you kidding me. The temperature in the room skyrocketed to incinerate! I was the only "Newbie". If I had known that ahead of time, I don't believe that I would have gone. I felt like someone had just sat a car on my chest. I couldn't' breath and I was sweating like a pig!

We did some simple breathing techniques to clear our minds, relieve stress and relax everyone.

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Comments (10) | Add comment

Judy

9/26/10 12:02am

Rena, you dove in and did it! I think it was a little strange that your therapist didn't tell you that the group had been going on for some time and that you would be the only new person, but maybe she suspected you wouldn't join if you knew that. You could ask her about that and see what she says. I can't imagine that she wouldn't know it would be a shock for you to find that out.

I've also had a very hard time accepting compliments, but I try to look at it now that if I blow them off, I'm more or less telling them their opinion is incorrect, which is kind of rude. Oh, it does feel excruciating at times, but I do try to absorb what I can. You'll get better at it, that's what you're there for.

Thanks for telling us how it went. It WILL get better, I promise!

Rena

9/27/10 2:10am

Hi Judy! Thanks so much for commenting. My therapist mentioned that some of the other participants in the group had done this before, but she was a bit vague and I made the mistake of assuming that not all the others were return customers! The group did stop for the summer and this is the very start of a "New group session". But, all the others are returnies. I did not know that. And, as you mentioned, my therapist was probably vague about that issue on purpose. Clever Therapist! :)

I have been going back and forth about going back and have finally settled on (after you and Hypno's comments) that I will suck it up and go back for Round #2. I think it will be difficult, but benefical as well.

Thanks so much for helping me decide and making me feel better! You are the best!

Hypno

9/26/10 7:53am

Rena,

WELL DONE RENA !!!! Well done for attending a new experience, staying when you were in shock at it being a longstanding group, being forced to sit in the chair and receive compliments, coping with the stress of staying behind to talk to the therapist, and for releasing all that negative energy by crying on the way home!!!! Well done also for exploring the difficulties you experienced here on the site.

I have tons more to say and will write a longer posting later on today when I get a chance to do so. In the meantime ... consider this....

You may just be a little (ok... a lot) more sensitive to what people say to you, and your environment and new situations at the moment. However, I assure you this will pass as you GROW in CONFIDENCE day by day by OPENING UP and REFLECTING on your experiences and handling these in whatever way is MOST HELPFUL to you at the time (not necessarily the most comfortable...but the most helpful...you'll find that in time you will become more comfortable in your reactions so don't concern yourself with that at the moment). I'll just add for now...the reasons why most people who are depressed or anxious feel ill at ease in receiving compliments is that they can trigger a stream of negative self-talk "I'm useless/valueless/worthless" etc. as a kickback. This then spirals out of control as they try to fight it off and they then spiral into depression and low mood whilst they ponder why they have such thoughts about themselves and why they reacted in that way. Don't worry about this all you have to do is to CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOURAL RESPONSE to the compliments...say THANK YOU FOR PAYING ME THIS COMPLIMENT I SHALL ACCEPT IT AND TREASURE IT. I SHALL REMEMBER THIS EXPERIENCE AND KEEP IT SAFE.

If negative self -talk emerges then don't fight it instead say THANK YOU FOR WARNING ME OF POTENTIAL DANGER BUT I AM QUITE SAFE NOW AND I ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM WITH ALL QUALITIES BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE. Then ask yourself when was the first time you thought the negative thought about yourself...what situation were you in ...this is HOW you came to feel that way. Remind yourself that you have the choice now to react differently in that situation and decide on a more positive response from you. This will be your learning point and the anxiety and negative thought should melt away or lessen. If it lessens but does not go away you need to think back further to an earlier time you thought those thoughts until you get tpo the earliest one...this will collapse the chain of emotional programming that has resulted in the negative self-talk.

I will post more later...just to say once again WELL DONE.

Remember it is how we handle life challenges that gives us contentment, not the nature of those challenges.

With the greatest of respect.

Hypno

Rena

9/27/10 2:15am

Hey Hypno!!! Thank you very much for the supportive and helpful comment. I have been reading your comment over and over. I don't beleive that I would be going back, if it weren't for you and Judy supporting my doing this. I have been going back and forth about going back and have finally decided that I will suck it up and go back for Round #2. Yeah! I think it will be very difficult, but benefical as well. I have already emailed my therapist and confirmed for Group Meeting #2 on October 7th so I can't back out now.

Thanks so much for helping me decide and making me feel so much better! You are the greatest!

LyraStorm

9/27/10 10:20am

Hi Rena,

I have to say you did very well for your first group therapy session. I, too, would have been moritified to find I was the only newbie, I think anyone would, and perhaps that is why the others were more comfortable with the exercise. It wouldn't surprise me if you found out that they weren't shocked you found the exercise difficult, but in fact felt the same way when it was their first go (sometimes our minds project what we 'expect' to see in others - what we are afraid to see). Anyone would have felt exactly as you felt in that situation - I feel complete and utter confidence saying that: I don't care how different everyone might be, ANYONE and EVERYONE would have had the same nerves as you did. As for not being able to take the compliments - that is part of depression and part of what you're trying to learn in the group therapy. I'd say you did amazingly for your first session and that you took the first step of many in getting better by forcing yourself through it. I hope you can find it within yourself to feel some pride for that accomplishment.

I completely understand the tears when you left... how do you feel about it all now that some time has passed? When do you go back again? And might I suggest something: maybe you could talk to some of the others about their first sessions... I bet you they'd have stories similar to yours and it'd put you more at ease. Just a thought.

One more thought before I go: I love how you described all of this. The matter of fact of what you went through and the notes of how each part made you feel. You have a wonderful talent for conveying your experience - I look forward to reading more posts from you.

Rena

10/ 1/10 5:06pm

Hello Lyrastorm. Thank you so much for your comment. It makes me feel much better to hear you say that I did ok. When I left the meeting that night, I thought that I had done awful. I was sure that I had completely botched it and really thought that I would not go back due to shear embarrassment and the pain that it caused me. Now that I see the comments from you, MerelyMe, Judy and Hypno,...It makes me feel so much better. I think that maybe I didn't do as bad as I thought that I did. Maybe it was not so awful. I think I really need to do this to improve myself. It will be terrible growing pains, but I think I have to do this to help ME! I have focused so long on other people, I need to do this for myself now.

I have Group meeting #2 on October 7th. I have emailed my therapist and told her how I felt after the 1st meeting (after I frothed about it for a few days) and, she emailed me back right away and was very comforting and understanding. She did not pressure me at all but, simply said that if I chose to, she thought that she could help me with one on one consultation and/or in the next group meeting. After reading the comments you all have so graciously written, I have emailed her back and scheduled a private appointment with her and commited to be at the 2nd meeting as well.

Thank you so much for your support. It has helped me more than I can say, even with my little "Note's". :)

LyraStorm

10/ 2/10 12:37am

Rena, I'm delighted you've decided to go back again. And when I read this part of your post, especially, it made me grin like the Cheshire cat:

I think that maybe I didn't do as bad as I thought that I did. Maybe it was not so awful. I think I really need to do this to improve myself. It will be terrible growing pains, but I think I have to do this to help ME! I have focused so long on other people, I need to do this for myself now.

That is definitely the way to think about things. I wish you all the best for your next session and look forward to hearing all about it. Go you!

Rena

10/ 2/10 7:56am

YOU ARE AN ANGEL!!!

Merely Me, Health Guide

9/28/10 6:55pm

Oh my dear Rena!

That must have been so hard....but you know what? You did it. You got through it. And I bet in the future it might not be so bad.

I wonder why your therapist didn't tell you that you were the only new member. Do you think it was because she maybe realized that you would not have come had she told you?

Are you glad you went in any way?

I can tell you that I am the same way about compliments...I do not like to hear praise in that intimate of a way. A good grade on a paper or...a payraise...those are the best types of "compliments" to me although they really aren't.

It always feels like..."Oh they don't really know me to be saying these things...if only they knew how ugly I really feel on the inside." It almost feels like touching a hot oven. Bad stuff...maybe we are used to...but when people say good things? How do we take it in? And it also puts us on the spot.

I truly think that you did amazingly well. I really hope that you give this a good chance.

And...I love that you wrote about this in such great detail. I felt like I was right there with you.

Thank you for sharing this with us and please...keep going. I think this will be good for you in the end.

Rena

10/ 2/10 7:54am

Hello MM!!! Thank you for commenting. You have no idea how helpful the comments are and how much better they make me feel. I feel much better knowing that you all think I did ok and was not a complete failure at this first group meeting. I was sure I had completely messed it up. I left there thinking that I never wanted to see any of the people in the group again. I was so embarrassed by how I did. I never considered that they all had to have first times as well and that these people would understand better than anyone else, how that would feel.

I do think that my therapist did not tell me that I was the only "newbie" because she thought I may not join the group is I had know. And,...to tell the truth, she would have been right. I am glad that I went, now that I have heard from you, Judy, Hypno and Lyrastorm. Before I hear anything from any of you, I was not glad and felt that I had really messed up by going to the group and was pushing myself to hard and had now trashed my chanced with the group thing. But, after I had seen all of your comments, it made me feel more at ease with how it went and with how I felt and handled the meeting. I was being really critical with myself before I heard from you all. Because of you all, I have told my therapist that I will attend the 2nd group on October 7th.

I will let you know how it goes. I will try to give myself a break and not be so critical of myself. I need to do this. I know that.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU ARE ALL ANGELS!

My 1st Group Meeting.

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