I survived the second group meeting.  It was not near as difficult and painful as the 1^st meeting.  It was hard for me to go, but I made myself do it.  I am determined to see this thing thru.  I know that it will help me a lot.

     The meeting started off with a casual, friendly meet and greet.  My therapist asked everyone how they were and how the last two weeks had been.  I answered in about 30 second.  I am very quick and to the point when I am under the microscope. 

NOTE:  I think that my therapist is trying to promote comfort and everyone being relaxed when speaking in front of the group.  My therapist is so nice.  She knows that I am struggling and she lets me answer last.  YES!  But, in my defense,...I answer truthfully and honestly.  I make a point of not allowing others answers to influence me.  I really want this to work for me, so I think I need to be really honest with myself as well as with the group.

     Then she asked the group (4) Questions.  One at a time, allowing time for us to write each question down in our notebooks and then ponder over an answer.  She then asks if someone would like to start, never pressuring. 

NOTE:  I look at the floor.  In my mind, I am saying,...Don't make eye contact.  Don't make eye contact.  I hate classroom participation.   

The (4) Questions were as follows:

• 1.) Of your five closest friends, what characteristics do you admire most, about them?
• 2.) Do you feel that you mirror these characteristics as well, or do you feel that you have none of these same characteristics and that you are drawn to these friends because you would like to be like them?
• 3.) What do you love?
• 4.) How do you show love?

     I answered as follows:

      1.) First off, I do not have five close friends.  I hold the work "friend" very sacred and rarely attach it to someone.  I know a lot of people, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. but not "real friends".  I do not allow anyone that close.  I am very private and do not really trust people.  With that said, I really admire people who do what they want, say what they want and simply enjoy life.  They do not worry about what other people think of them.  They do what makes them happy.  They are kind, gentle and generous.  They are very loving, care and conscious of other people and their feelings.  They are not judgmental.  They are not into designer clothes or "keeping up with the Jones'".  They are smart and funny but do not pack around a big ego.  They are just comfortable to be around.

NOTE:  Everyone in the group answered that they do not have five close friends!!!  What is up with that?  Is this yet another coincidental trait of those who struggle with depression?  Why are we all so withdrawn?  Why do we isolate ourselves from everyone else?