Turning 50 a Milestone or a Stone around my neck!
Current mood: blessed
I have been thing over the past week or so and I keep wonering that I feel blessed about my life being able to live and support myself on Disability . I have been depressed though because I was Married for 14 years and I have been divorced for 4 years now I never thought that I would continue to be alone I had a lot of things to strighten out after I left my Wife I was seperated for 3 years before I found her and filed divore last year I am frewe from a very abuseive divorce and I have worked on my feelings from that and I have moved on. I just thought that by now I would have meet someone I pray that God will put someone in my life I have been treating people I know wel and people seem to like me I am blessed with a Best Freind Who I Know cares about me even if she has a New Boyfriend I know that she is still my best Friend, I just Like I told her I have not been looking anymore Its not that I feel like I have goiven up I just dont want to Look andlook i thaink that If I do my part and at least try to meet people on line in mYspace then Its not like I qam on a dating site I am trying to make friends here and I want more local friends I have meet some really great ladies online here but they live very far away, and I need friends here that I can see and talk with in person, I dont Gon to Clubs and Bars My Roomates New Boyfriend asked me that last night and Melissa my Best Friend reminded hoim that I am inb recovery and I dont go to Bars or Clubs, I dont think that is a good place for someone in Recovery hat doesnt drink, I know that is the first place that most people go to trhat are single So I would like some suggustions, I have not given up but I am not ;looking a s much as I was. I dont get out that much So I am lokihng for ideas on how to meet someone new, I have heard from someone that I was talking to but she lives 300 miles away I do l;ike her a lot but I domnt see how I can make this work out.I am a Nice Loking guy In dont know what to get myself out there more. I have gone to support groups but I didnt meet anyone there. I just need to get out of this depression that I am in I have depression as a condition it comes and goes I am on medication for Sezures I had Brain Tumor Surgery in 2003 and I am Disabled On SSDI i was awarded in December 06 but I didnt get any payments until April of last year 07, And I was luckey to get in the apartment on a Veterans Housing grant for people on Disability. So I am able to pay my bill and be self supporting I am greatful for that.I dont have alot of extra money for theater and dining out but I do have a lot to bring to a relationshoip a person, I am a caring and giving type of Man, I enjoy simple things in Life I owned my own Busoiness for over 9 years and I have had the big homes and cars and trucks I do have a degree in ELectrical Engineering but I will not be able to work again after the surgery that I had I am luckey to be alibve and I had 2 surgons turn down the Brian tumor surgery becasue it was too riskey but I had to have it or I would have died The tumor was on my main artery and my optic nerve so Iwas facing loos of life and possible loss of my life as well. I am Greatful that I did come out of my surgery as well as I did even if I do have short term memory ;loss and cant work I want to be able to increase what I am doing But I do have fatque right now as a result of the surgery and that is a constant that has not gotton better In am able to get outb and do things as long as I limit it to 3 things a day I have tried to do more but I get too tired too do more and itb takes me a day to recover. Like I said I am blessed to have the life thatb I have today I Just waht more in my life I would like t o date and have a s normal life as I can. I am a good guy in have been homeless after my seperation I have been in jail for tresspassing A lot has happened to me but I am a survivor and I ahve always found qa way to make it I have been sober for 2 1/2 years and that is a mircle for me. I do go to meetings butb not as much as I did at first I have been in recovery for 20 years and I have had 8 or more years at a time and I feel like now that I am notb married to someone who didnt want to get sober and stop using drugs, I have a better chance at recovery I just want to find someone that will belive in me and grow with me in recovery and life i dont want to spend my life alomne any more I have worked hard on my life and my own issues the last 2 years I go to a Veterans Group 2 or more times each week and I have a VA Case Manager that has helped me get my disability and has continued to help me with things and I am greatful for her help she has donea lot for me and given me the tools to do things fore myself and showed me how to get things done. I am blessed with a Best Friend Melissa and I am greatful for her Every Day She has been a great friend for over a year Now. I am looking forward to Meeting new freinds as I am able to get out more I have not had the money to do much but I will have that resolved soon. I suffer from depression and I try to get over it by talking to friends on the Phone and to my roommate. I Will get out more as my finances change Like I said that I have not had the money to go do anything there are singles groups that meet in restrunts and I would like to join them for the activities and meet new people some of the Meet Up Groups Online they discus Books and Other Groups meet to talk about different things, SomI would like to get involved with now.Thier are Church groups but I am more Spritual than religious and I do belive in God But I dont attend Services. I am looking for a Way to meet other single people like I said I have Been Homeless, In jail; for Minor things due to being homeless, I was in Homeless Veterans Housing for 1 years or more with 10 other guys in a house but I had my own room I was living in the Salvation Army in Ocala for 3 Months before I got in the Last Vet QApace Housing for Homeless Veterans, Themn I moved into My own Apartmnet june of ;last year here. I will keep all of you updated, I have been through So much but I am still around. So I will continue my Growth as aperson and Pray that God will put someone in my Life That lives near me here in Gainesville, OI know that she is out there and I will continue to do the Right thing and Hope that one day my prayers will be awnsered I may have someone on my friends list now thqat cares about me but has not let me know or someone I just added that I think is a good women and I would like to get to know, I dont know what God has planed for me but I know that I have to do some of the work and the results and up to him. Bless all of you that are reading this and tookthe time to care and read my blog I havent written in a while but I will post atb least one a week now.
Published On: May 08, 2008