I have been dealing with my depression issues of being alone and not being able to make female friends I do have a best friend Roommate Melissa and she is dating and has a boyfriend and it seems like evrytime that she has him over here I get more depressed and its not his fault it's just that it reinforces the fact that I dont have anyone that I am dating and so my Case Manager the VA gave me the following assignment she meet with me yesterday here at the apartment and then at the bank I had her go into the bank because my account got overdrawn and I didnt know what had happened so now I am keeping a better record of my account spending and I am trying to get help from a local scouce that pays the utility bills of people who need help with thier bills due to lack of funds or other reasons. So my roommate and I both will be calling on friday morning it is a first come first awnser on the phone system so we both woill be calling the number on Friday to try and get help on the phone if I dont get through I dont get help with my bill I need help this month I dont have enough money to pay all my bills and I went and browed 500 dollars and I will have to apy back 555.00 on the 3rd of July next month so i didnt have even 100.00 left in my account after their check charges that the company put thier check through the bank 3 times and I was charged 3 35 dollar check charges plus the 83 dollor charges that I have before my Socal Security Check was deposited. So I have been losing sleep over the finacial situation My roommate told me that she is responsable for her gas and ciggarette money and I am not responsable for buying her everything that she needs like I have been doing and I should not be doing that any more but she did ask me for help and I did it because I loved her and I wanted to help but she said that I was enabling her so that she would not have to do anything but date and have fun while I was staying home and didnt have any money to do anything and I have not had fun doing anything fpor a long time and so My case manager c=gave me the following task: To commununicate withn the online friends that I have made and to try and meet new female friends that are local here in the Gainesville fla area So that I will have someone to go amnd do something with here. The LAYOUT WAS:
1.) TO EXPERIENCE MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE LOCAL HERE IN MY AREA
2.) mY FINANCIAL SITUATION TO LOOK AT IT IN A POSITIVE WAY IN THAT OIT WILL CHANGE AND THINGS ARE JUST TEMP FOR NOW AND THEY WILL GET BETTER.
tO MAKE A GRADITUDE LIST EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED. TP LIST EVERYTHING THAT i AM GREATFUL FOR DURRING THAT DAY.
That was it for right now as far as my assigment went and maybe I will start on it today I woke up 3 times last night so I am tired right now and I am probaly going back to sleep for a while for now. I didnt not start on them last night I was to tired because I was upo until 5 am the night before then I was up all day and I went to sleep last might at 10 pm. i have been more upset over financial and relationship issues and thats why I have been depressed I didnt know what to do so i will trying start doing these today so that I can get better soon. I was diagnosed with bipolar and now they say that I am not bipolar and I dont have manic attacks in my life I dont have manic highs I only have depression lows all the time so they changed mine to clinic depression which is a mental health disorder.So I am recovering from a Brain Tumor Surgery that I had in June 2003 also and I have short term mempory damage and some thought processing problems related to my brain ingury, I have a lot of strugles to overcome right now that I am working on today oin my life but I have done a lot of work on my other issue s that I have been working on this past year. I am in rolled in the VA MISA program and my Case Manager asked me if I wanted to be in the prgram and I told her that I have a lot of work left to do and I could not do that alone. I have problems tryoing to remember a lot of the AA 12 step work that I read and I cant remember what I read so it is difficult for me to even work the steps of the program as far as reading and I dont retain any of the information at all so I have not been trying to do that I have just been trying to live my life and do the nest right thing. Thats all i can do for now. i have been having a problem with some pof the other guys that are in the MISA program that hear voices and see things that are not there I need to have more acceptance of them I told my case mangaer that I just tune them out basicly and I dont hear them at all. So I am going to try and be more torlorant of them in the future in the group. I go to once a week but they want me to go more than once a week there,and I am tired today and I want to rest after yesterday I feel tired today and I am getting used to a new medication for my thyroid So it is a adjustment period for the medication I have had some side effects like dizzyness and balance problems I let my case manager drive yesterday to the bank and to the cash Advance loan place I had to borrow 500,00 to put in my account and I still donyt have enough to pay my bills unless I get help with my 289.00 electric bill that I have now to pay that is over due and hopefuly I will get help with the bill thsi friday. besides that I dont have anything else going on. I have a account with Myspace and I am trying to meet people on the site local that have accounts there My site is http://www.myspace.com/frankduff just copy and paste the link into yourn browser window the link feature sems to be not working here. So thats it for now and I will update with more good news later. Thanks
