After chatting with what USED to be an old friend recently, a voice mail and reading an upsetting email a few a bit ago from a second friend who I thought understood, I am ready......

I have learned over the years to "keep quiet" publicly about my diagnosis. If I don't keep it secret, I get treated like a disease. I am not a disease, I am a human with feelings that happens to have some health issues like so many other humans in this world! Some people have Diabetes, Asthma, Arthritis, AIDS, Cancer to name a very few! So why is Depression treated so differently? Is mental health really that much different?

When the stress levels are high, I have lack of sleep, the migraines, the pain of fibro is at is worse, so is the depression. They basically go hand in hand. So does that make me contagious or something?

So what has been going on to cause the stress, the pain, the depression?

1. Moving: Financially in the long run it will be better. Location SUCKS! Memories (lived here before) I want to forget! Kids are farther from school and activities. Worried about my daughter! There is now 7 people in house instead of 5! More house to clean, more animals to clean up after. Less hours in the day!

2. My oldest: Autism/ADHD He had a rough start but is adjusting to his new school. He is still behind though. It is taking more time and energy than we both have.

3. My daughter: Loves school. Comes home exhausted! Cries and whines from the second she gets picked up. Fights constantly with anyone and everyone who will go along with her. Wants! Wants! Wants! She is driving everyone crazy! Her grandma has mentioned what a "brat" she is! Worse than I was!

4. My youngest boy: Still resent him. He is quiet during the day when his siblings are at school and the so-called father figure is not around! But as soon as his sister is home, they fight all night long! He wants so bad to "big boy" yet refuses to be completely potty trained since my hospital stays and the move this year!

5. So-called father figure: He followed when I moved! He follows me around like a lost puppy some days! I can't stand it! All we do is fight and argue. It is so hard on everyone in the house!

6 . Therapist: Setting goals? Do something with my life? Among many other things. I know she is doing her job, but?!?!?! I left my jobs YEARS ago just as they were getting ready to fire me! I don't care to leave the house anymore except to take kids where they have to be (can't even get that right!) and get groceries. So what is the point?

7. Doctors: Don't work with me anymore! I am screwed! Back to self medicating and it isn't effective or healthy!

8. Vehicles: Neither one is running very well. The better running of the 2 doesn't have working seat belts in the backseat for the kids. In fact, can't even open the back doors. That is what happens when you buy a car from a small town drunk!

9. My medicals bills are more than what my husband will bring home in 4-5 months. That is what has been coming in the mail, not counting my upcoming appointments and prescriptions!