How do you open up a part of your private life with someone you have been intimate with? He knew I had a shaky past. He knows of my disability and pain I can bare. But to openly talk about the hell I have gone through and the thoughts I still have constantly racing through my head? Impossible!
Come to find out, he is very understanding. He points out to me my strengths instead of focusing on the negative! When I do continue to be negative reminds me to take note and talk to my therapist about it so I may seek help.
There is one issue I just hate about my therapist! She has been pushing me to try to go back to work. My experience with working with my past jobs were quitting right before I got fired! Basically? He said she is looking to see if I am motivated to move on and want to do something with my life. If I want to climb out of my "black hole" I claim to be stuck in?!?!?!
So....Set some kind of goal and get up, out and do it! The hard part right now is doing that! I do the minimum, would rather do less but care enough for the kids health and safety to get them cared for at least!
Unwanted but I was volunteered to help with a bunch of bratty first graders every Wednesday night, think that counts if I can get my lazy butt dressed and get myself to stay? I have to bring my kids regardless!
Tomorrow when I go back to see my therapist, I am in for another long hour!
He, my friend I will have for years, yet I can never love...
You are so right! But I first have to find out who I am. I am not so sure.
"He" isn't my husband though. He is only my friend. He works in the mental health field, has an Autistic son as well as I, so we swap stories. We have had a relationship in the past. Seems a little uncomfortable to be so close, but we are.
Even though he is divorced and my husband and I are only together for financial reasons....my friend and I can never be together. He needs some normalcy in his life, not me and another Autistic child in his daily life along with his job.