siouxsblues

By sioux Wednesday, August 12, 2009

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I sure hope this sharepost goes thru, I've been trying for days but don't see it on there. I'm not very computer savvy and this is new computer sooo.....I will try again. I'm new to the site and I'm very impressed how loving the people are. I've been living w/ major depressive disorder for most of my life and even as a child knew I was "different". the depression will go into aremission of sorts,only to return w/ a vengeance. I also have some serious medical problems, which make me realize I'm living on "borrowed time". I'm getting married for the 3rd time on aug. 22 and I should feel more excited but I'm scared depression will ruin this one too. I'm strictly on meds for depression .I haven't been to any kind of therapy in a long time. Seems I can't find one I can relate to. Anyway. you all sound like a great bunch of people, who I can relate to. Thanks.

siouxsblues

Comments (11) | Add comment

Judy

8/12/09 3:17pm

Welcome to the site, Sioux! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Your fiance knows about your depression? You are doing your best and that's all you can do. If you find you are getting into problems with it again, you might consider trying to find another therapist and even take your husband along. Many of us consider therapy to be a crucial support, but you do have to find someone that you trust and feel safe with and sometimes that can take a little while. An objective perspective never hurts, as long as they don't have their own agenda. I wish you all the best and hope we will hear from you again.

sioux

8/14/09 9:30am

Dear Judy, thank you for the welcome. This wk. I've been so busy w/

Dr's. appts. and getting this wedding together,it was hard to get back to the computer. Anyway,yes my husband-to-be is very aware of my depression problems, and he's very supportive,however I don't believe he fully understands it. My last therapist really soured me on therapists, all he EVER wanted to discuss was sex, I finally became so afraid of him that I quit going. I probably need to see another one, but I live in the middle of 2 metro areas and its really far to either area and believe me there is nothing here. I really appreciate you responding to my post so quickly, it was like "ah someone actually answered me" ! How are you doing ? You always seem to be so knowledgable when people write in. Thank you again.

Merely Me, Health Guide

8/12/09 4:44pm

I am really happy that you have come to My Depression Connection. There are some very lovely people here and tons of understanding. We have all been there in one way or another in battling depression.

I sure hope you don't have any more troubles posting. We have been having some technical difficulties so if you ever experience any more issues with this...please let us know.

Make yourself at home...read some shareposts...get to know some of the other members. Please tell us more about your upcoming wedding and also about your depression.

We are very interested in your story! Thank you for reaching out here and we look forward to hearing more from you.

sioux

8/14/09 9:57am

Dear Merely Me, thanks for your quick response to my post. My depression has been w/me all my life .I come from aedpressed family in addition to alcoholism,drug addiction,many suicides etc. etc. Needless to say it's genetic, but I believe also somewhat learned. I do know it's very hard to try and overcome. I, like you suffer a major physical malady in that I have Stage 3 heart failure which limits me somewhat physically, but also mentally. I'm not in therapy right now, as the last one I had needed a therapist himself. I am on what seems to be adecent med regimen. I take 120mg. of Cymbalta, 100mg.of trazodone, 2mg.of abilify 200 mg. of Provigil for depression and a myriad of heart meds. right now I'm not doing too badly,but am dreading the dark days of winter. I know it will get so bad. Well again thank you merely Me, this is a great site.

LyraStorm

8/13/09 1:05am

Hi and welcome. This is a great site for getting things off of your chest, especially if you are finding it difficult to find a good therapist (the one I am currently seeing sucks but I keep going anyway... not really sure why).

Congratulations on your wedding. Please tell us some more. How much does your husband know about your depression? How do you think it ruined your previous marriages? Maybe with that knowledge you can allieviate at least some of your fears, it might help...

sioux

8/14/09 10:53am

Hey Lyrastorm, so nice to get your reply. I don"t know your age but your writings on the site seem to be from a very old and wise soul. You asked if my husband-to-be knew of my depression, yes he does, he has seen me go thru some very bad times and has been very loving and supportive. However he dosen't understand it , I wish he would read some books on the subject ,it would help me to help him understand it more.that is part of what happened in my first 2 marriages. My first husband and father of my only 2 children was acheater from day one, this just depressed me more and I had no idea how to try and make the marriage better. I was 19 at the time and stayed for 16 yrs. w/ him. He kept cheating and I kept spiraling downward til I had no ego left.I finally somehow got the courage to divorve him. 10 yrs. later I married my old childhood sweetheart w /ho turned out to be a very bad alcoholic and was mean on top of that.I stayed in that one for 13 yrs, again because I was so down I saw no way out. Now 5yrs later I.m marrying a man who does not drink, I don't think he will cheat, but who ever knows until it happens ? I do have a trust problem w/ men but hopefully that can be overcome in time. Well enough rambling on. By the way have you heared anything back on you audition yet? Best of luck to you.

LyraStorm

8/15/09 1:44am

I think it is understandable that you would have trust issues considering your past, but I am very glad to hear that you don't seem to be hitting your new husband to be with the same stick - it's very easy to blame someone new in your life for the mistakes of a past person. In a way I believe you are trusting him, at least a little, and hopefully that trust will only grow in time, especially if he turns out to be the good guy he sounds like he is.

I'm not sure that anyone who has never suffered from depression can ever truly understand it - all you can really hope for is their support and patience, I think, though I have limited experience in this department I must admit. Maybe if you let him know how much it would help you for him to read some more about depression he will? He sounds like a good guy, the type who would at least give it a try for you.

I think it's brilliant that you are moving on as you are, you're showing a lot of strength and wisdom, and I wish you all the best for your upcoming marriage. Oh and I haven't heard back from the audition yet but the director did say at the time it might be a while - I went at the very beggining of the auditions she was setting up and it sounded like they were spread out over the next week or so...

Skylar

8/13/09 6:21pm

I can read your post. I've been suffering with the highs and lows for nearly all my life. I'm taking meds but can't seem to get stable. I break down and cry a lot. Other times I get very frustrated and confused. I do feel hopeless a lot and hate having to let my daughter see me go thru this. I've tried everything, but discipline seems to be the one thing that holds me back from a lot. --skylar

Skylar

8/13/09 6:23pm

btw, i sure do hope all goes well with your wedding. i usually offer really good advice, but right now, I'm in agony.

sioux

8/14/09 11:18am

Dear Skylar, I am so sorry that you are in agony today. It's bad enough to suffer from depression ,let alone the days when you can't see daylight! Are you able to get up and .go out outside? Sometimes for me just seeing the sunshine will help take the edge off. At any rate please keep in mind that there are such loving people on this site and we all care. I wish I could have more profound wisdom to share but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today.

rose martin

8/14/09 1:43pm

Hi and Welcome, Im so glad you have found somebody and that youregetting married again. You are a survivor ! Try not think about the dark days of Winter,living in Ireland I have a Degree in the Dark days of nearly every Season, In winter, when it gets dark early, I light candles against a large mirror, I have fairy lights around the mirror, I try and have as many mirrors in my tiny cottage as possible, I wear bright colours, RED lipstick, I buy colourful flowers, you need to work on SAD in the Winter, bright coloured cushions, i find we must GO WITH rather than FIGHT the Seasons. I suffer dreadfully with Depression and loneliness during the Winter. However, by doing the above things, by getting light via a walk, by getting fresh air, exercising on my exercise bike to create endorphins, for you a gentle walk? I find it helps. You must comfort yourself in winter. With good Soups and wholesmome Food. Look at the Cats .. they just sleep more and snuggle up to the heat sources. Learn from them !! This Winter you will have the man you love with you so you can snuggle up together. Every good wish

siouxsblues

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