HI Everyone,
I have been going cold turkey off EffexorSR for.. well... I don't know how long for, because I have totally lost track of time - but let's say 2 weeks - that's about right.
I wouldn't recommend going on this drug in the first place - or, if you have researched the drug and its effects and spoken seriously with your doctor, friends, family and believe the drug is necessary - prepare for a lifetime on it. I don't mean this to be taken in a negative way. Simply, the drug is soooo damm hard to quit cold turkey, or even slowly, that if it is needed - just be prepared to stay on it.
I have quit heroin, and the EffexorSR is harder!
hmmmm.. but that's not what I want to talk about - I share that so that readers know that this is an element of who I am at the moment.
And that's what I want to talk about - Who Am I?... is this one of the most asked questions of the depressed person? The answer is important.. and maybe more simple than we think...
I have learned that I am:
made of a number of different elements that can come to the fore at any one time. I am a mother of grown daughters, I am a full time worker for the federal government, I am a crazy friend, I am a supportive friend, I am a loner and a hermit, I am raising a beautiful soul in the shape of a baby whippet, I am a consumer of goods and services, I am a voracious reader, I am a life-long learner, I am a student....
so many things! and in all of those roles - I have to take me - and my depression. I learned that I cannot run from my problems by changing town or where I live some time ago... I found the same face looking in the mirror when I got there! But what I have only recently realised is that I cannot run from my depression either. In all the roles, in all the elements of who I am, I take my depression. In a way, realising that is quite liberating as I keep thinking that if I 'get good' at something - being a parent, student, friend - I will lose the depression. Now I know that the depression is an element of who I am as much as the rest... I can begin to accept being the whole me.
... and add some things... other elements that make up who I am include: depression, a joy in shiny things, a desire to find the spiritual meaning of who I am, a love of art and creativity, a love and respect for animals, I love the rainforests and the garden paths...
hmmmm.. is it just coincidence that once I accepted the depression as part of me, rather than a thing to be fixed, ignored, hated.. that I was able to reveal to myself the deeper aspects of myself? I dont know. But I feel better anyway!
What has this got to do with dog poo??!!
It's the little things that get me down the quickest. The crises are easy... there's usually something to do, some way to help, some knowledge I have that is valuable... It's the little things, an unmade bed, dog poo on my shoe, a broken light globe, a book I cant find. And it's these things that happen every day, or nearly every day. It's these things I need to sail through so my mental health remains intact. Some days I have that ability - to overlook the little things - and I need to understand what has made the difference on those days and maybe I can replicate the good days and minimise the bad days.
I think you're doing very well indeed, dealing with your depression - you certainly seem to know yourself and have accepted your situation which are two of the hardest things.
I totally understand what you mean about the little things being the most difficult. When it's a bigger thing there always seems to be lots of things you have to do that keeps you distracted from your thoughts whilst you deal with it, but everyday little things that go wrong just torment you and cut into your self esteem and all of that...
I used to take Effexor myself and I don't have a clue how you could just get off it cold turkey. Weaning myself off was bad enough - all the side effects/symptoms of that! Argh! A horrible drug. It gave me enough to deal with when I was on it let alone when I stopped taking it.... but after a couple of weeks it eased up. Perhaps it's taking you a little longer because you went off cold turkey...
Anyway I look forward to reading other posts you might put up - you express yourself well and seem to have a lot of insight into your own mental health. Please continue sharing.