Pain is horrible, Emotional and physical sucks, but my wife and I remarried after not seeing each other for 28 years. The best times in my life were our times togeter, I was glad for us that we were together when she passed. The major move was made by me due her elderly parents and her kids location. Soon after we marrierd her dad died and we were the only ones there able to care for her mom that has Alzheimers Dimentia. 2 years later cancer strikes her, is put into remission and we are able to see her 1st grandbaby. Cancer returns and after 4 types of chemo, we lost the battle shortly after Molly's 1st birthday. We sold our houses to move in with Mother and the little bit of family left for me was back in Texas. I wanted to go with her, and she sensed that, hence the promise. There is no fix for my body, I never expected to reach 50 let alone 57. My attitude towards people has become mean and aggressive, unlike the person I used to be. Isolation is preferred, Under care of the VA, which has me on about 12 medications for BP, arthritis, Depression, attitude, Etc. I really don't feel I am a contribution to humanity so I stay out of the way. I'm running out of meds 1 at a time because the Texas VA has not seen me yet and my refills ran out. VA doctors speak less and less english and does not settle right with me. I am on SSD and feel quite like a waste of fresh air, medication, and everybody's time. Is being this overwhelmed normal?
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Hi, Im so sorry to hear of all your grief, turmoil and pain. So much is happening. I'm wondering have you had any Therapy for your Grief? its natural to be angry,that after you rediscovered your wife, your relationship again, nature dealt you a cruel hand and your beautiful wife was taken from you . have you been able to grieve? get past the Anger and the Whys? and Cry? Your Meds are important.Keep that part of your life under control. i suffer badly with Arthritis too and also have BP/Cholestrol issues, its most important that you look after your physical and mental health. You need a support at this time and its not the time to go off the Meds or mess up the Chemicals in the brain. Who have you got to talk to ? ~ I understand Grief, dreadful aching grief, and the dreadful sadness underneath the anger. ~ Its important to try daily to go the motions of exercise, getting light, trying to slowly work your way back into life. Its not easy. Ive had Grief, Ive watched my Aunt who reared my [between her and grandma] fight cancer and lose a hard fought battle. I was bereft, as being single, and in my 50s, i had nobody when she went. Literally !! except for friends. What youre feeling , being agitated is part of the Depression and the things you need to talk out, even here on this site. I hope that you will continue to write.
Thank you for your response. Turmoil from her siblings left little time for the grief process. The resentment that their mom was consyantantly more comfortable with me, mainly because of the "Alzheimer Factor". While Sue was dieing, as long as mom was with me, she was comforted, with her other 4 daughters, basket case asking where I was. That uncalled for resentment never ended and I received no help with the funeral or anything else. I had never done a funeral before. They just took, unannounced, her mom to 1 of the sisters house and did not see her until the services. They perched on trees and waited until I was out asap, since I could no longer live there anymore. I tried twice before and my wife knew it, hence the promise. Now I am trapped in an apt in a large TX city not far from my sister and her family that has little to no room for any of my interruption, and a mom that is bi=polar and easier to avoid...lol
Gosh this is very Tough, But having got to the age I am, with the dysfunctional [thats a nice name for them] family that is mine, nothing suprises me anymore. Death seems to bring out the worst in people. Even though you minded their mom and she felt more at home with you [which is a great compliment that none of them can take away], even though you were with their sister and by her side, grieving and also caring for their mom they hadnt the decency to let you know of their plans. I am beginning to understand the dreadful grief, disbelief,fear,sadness and hurt.. ~ there is one thing that they cant take away, the love you and your wife had. The love their mom had for you, even in her Alzeimers, she had the sense to choose a loving space. Now you are left very alone and isolated. i can understand too , the emotional upheaval of livingi in an apartment, with your thoughts, grief, sadness,, whys? bouncing off the wall at you in your new unfamiliar surroundings. ~ I would visit your Mom but I would set up boundaries as Bipolar can be difficult to deal with and right now,you can barely swim so youre not able to life save. What type of supports do you have? i really feel for you. You will heal. Eventually, you will learn to live again,, however, I dont think that your dear wifes family will be a part of your future somehow , if only for your mental health. Youve got to survive. I had to let go of my 'family' members as they just caused pain, Depression, a low self esteem, hurt. try slowly day by day, at the moment, to get through each day, Again somebody to talk to. Are you on Meds to help you ? Dont be afraid if you feel the Depression has gone too far. Have you a counselor? Im glad youre opening and sharing on the Site. Youre not alone even though it may feel that way just now. God bless you