I'm 23 years old and have completely isolated myself. I burned bridges from ALL of my friends, and I'm not close with my family. The only person currently in my life is my boyfriend, but we are non stop arguing over trivial things, and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I will admit that I completely over react over the simplest things, and I'm beginning to lose control over myself. Luckily my boyfriend knows this, and he's learning to help me, but Im going to destroy him emotionally if I dont get a grip on my anger and depression.
I can no longer have people close to me emotionally because I get overwhelmed with my feeling of worthlessness. Losing contact, and normal social interaction is leaving me totally depressed. When I do interact with peers I put on my mask and try to be the nicest person ever. I will do things for others that normally I wouldnt care to do.
It's supposed to be the time of my life right? 23-in the college of my dreams-studying for the career of my dreams-with the man of my dreams-the future seems it will be totally amazing...but it's not so clear in my mind. Everytime an opposition comes my way I think my world will end, and I want to run away from everything. I wish this was something I could stop, change, or atleast control. There are times when I'm fine, normal. But when this despression/anger hits me, its bad...I used to cut myself when I was 16, and when I stopped that I turned bulimic for about two years. When my health began to get bad, I saw a therapist, but it didnt help, it actually made it worse. I over came my eating disorder, and no longer cut myself, but when the depression/anxiety hits, I feel like I did when I was 16 all over again...
What can I do to take control over my life? I seem to keep trying to blame my mood swings on different situations, or PMS, but it's only a scapegoat.
I really need some help...
Hi Lily
From my experience...I am now 45...my twenties were a very rough time for me. I have suffered from depression my whole life and that decade was especially difficult for a number of reasons. It is a transitional period in your life...when all these dreams are looming and sometimes this can create a lot of anxiety. It did for me. Also at that age...sometimes you have a lot of rough edges. At your age I was working...going to graduate school...doing all these "responsible" things but still feeling very much like a child. Social stuff was very hard because I felt like nobody understood what I was going through internally.
And when you suffer from depression...you can easily vascilate between tears and rage.
I have cut and pasted your post here so I can respond:
'm 23 years old and have completely isolated myself. I burned bridges from ALL of my friends, and I'm not close with my family. The only person currently in my life is my boyfriend, but we are non stop arguing over trivial things, and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I will admit that I completely over react over the simplest things, and I'm beginning to lose control over myself. Luckily my boyfriend knows this, and he's learning to help me, but Im going to destroy him emotionally if I dont get a grip on my anger and depression.
When you get angry...what are you most angry about? Is there a pattern to your anger?
I can no longer have people close to me emotionally because I get overwhelmed with my feeling of worthlessness. Losing contact, and normal social interaction is leaving me totally depressed. When I do interact with peers I put on my mask and try to be the nicest person ever. I will do things for others that normally I wouldnt care to do.
So are you saying that you are a people pleaser? Do you need others to make you feel worthy? Where are these feelings of wothlessness coming from do you think? And please know...these are questions for you to think about...you don't have to answer them here necessarily.
It's supposed to be the time of my life right? 23-in the college of my dreams-studying for the career of my dreams-with the man of my dreams-the future seems it will be totally amazing...but it's not so clear in my mind. Everytime an opposition comes my way I think my world will end, and I want to run away from everything. I wish this was something I could stop, change, or atleast control.
So you are wanting control...many people do. What do you fear will happen if you lose control?
There are times when I'm fine, normal. But when this despression/anger hits me, its bad...I used to cut myself when I was 16, and when I stopped that I turned bulimic for about two years. When my health began to get bad, I saw a therapist, but it didnt help, it actually made it worse. I over came my eating disorder, and no longer cut myself, but when the depression/anxiety hits, I feel like I did when I was 16 all over again...
Well I might disagree with you here because stopping the cutting and the bulimia is great progress in my book. Now you need to figure out what to do with your anger and depression.
What can I do to take control over my life? I seem to keep trying to blame my mood swings on different situations, or PMS, but it's only a scapegoat.
I really need some help...
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What we have here to offer is information, resources and support. This is my opinion but...I think you may want to look into more therapy or even a therapy group. And you should not necessarily dismiss your biology. PMS is very real and can contribute to feelings of anger and depression...absolutely. This may be something to discuss with your general practitioner or even your gynecologist.
Taking control means you say today, "I want to change." And I do think this is what you are saying. Now it is up to you to find the support and people who can help you.
I hope this helps. Please feel free to write here and share your progress. Looking forward to hearing more from you.