Just one more drink

By Emily Wednesday, February 03, 2010

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so life has been a down ward spiral for me lately.

if most of you know but i hear voices and see things.

while i was struggling with that i started drinking

i'm really craving the wine again and its getting to me

it makes the voices worse...

i don't know how to deal

my new medication isn't working yet..

suicide keeps poping into my head the voices are always pointing out ways how to die

i think they would like it if i was dead..

but i don't want to die i want to fight this and live

i was diagnosed with major depression w/ psychotic features also PTSD and Anxiety disorder also Alcholoism so yeah... thats my story

i really miss the wine i want it really bad.. i have resoreted to pills to stop the craving of the wine before.. don't worry though i'm over the pills. the wine is out of our house so again dont worrry

Comments (6) | Add comment

Merely Me, Health Guide

2/ 3/10 5:55pm

Hello Emily

Can you tell us more about the wine and pills? What sort of pills are you talking about? May I ask...where are your parents? Are they aware of all this?

Was there one therapist who diagnosed you with all of these things?

Sorry for all the questions but I am just trying to understand what all is going on with you. What is the medication you are currently taking and how long have you been on it? If you have just started a medication...sometimes it takes 6-8 weeks for it to kick in.

I must say...I am concerned for you. We can give you support and information but being on the Internet and all we are limited in any help we can provide. I am hoping you have some good supports of family and a good counselor.

Please feel free to continue to write if that helps. We are here to listen.

Emily

2/ 3/10 10:00pm

my parents they know everything. the pills i took were Ibprofen and that was it. it helped make the voices stop for a while. the wine it made me sleep its helped me soooo much.. i have been sober for up too 4 weeks know i'm very proud of myself.. thats its i really like all the support im getting from this page. thank you sooo much!!!

Sincerely, Emily

Emily

2/ 3/10 10:02pm

i was in a mental hospital and they diagnossed me. the medictaion that im on is Ablify and Venalafaxine

Rose

2/ 4/10 5:58am

Dear Emily, I suffer dreadful bouts of Depression ,Ive a low self esteem too and phobias, fears. I was in a psychiatric hospital for 4 weeks when i was your age and I also attended a Day hospital [by taxi] for 3 years after as I couldnt walk down the road with anxiety. I understand the Drink thing. I drank heavily for years from say 18 to 30. Why? because it 'drove away the demons' I thought !! infact it got me into alot of trouble. You know and I know, Drink isnt a friend of Depression, it suppresses the Serotonin the next day and you just end up feeling more suicidal. Its not your friend. If you can look on it as a poison to your personality. Can I suggest that you go to an AA meeting for young people. Most people drink for a reason, for me it was to cover up my shyness 'not being cool' the fact i hated myself,.. you will meet girls and young men who understand. 12 Step programme is good for Depression and Delusions too. Then secondly, you need to get back to you psychiatrist as a matter of urgency and tell him/her that the tabs arent working. Venlafaxine doesnt work for everyone. It sounds to me like you need to be on an anti-psycotic [it would help the mood too and the longing for the wine.] Venlafaxine doesnt help eveyone. Maybe Xyprexa would be better, its v good for hearing and seeing things but youve got to watch the weight so a good diet. Promise me you wont suffer anymore ? Go and get help urgently for the Depression, you present meds arent working. You shouldnt be alone with these feelings. Where do you drink the Wine? Out of sight of Doctors and parents Id say. Its a lonely place to be. Ive been there and understand. Theres hope and a great life ahead. you just need some good therapy and Meds, the proper ones, to help you.

Drink isnot a friend of mental distress and can cause suicide. Im saying this because I know friends of long ago who were depressed and drank and committed suicide. Youre a special person. Hearing voices and seeing things, is just the mind when the pain gets too much, the chemicals play tricks and the mind goes into an altered state, much like a trance state. Thats all. Dont be scared, seek a specialist to help you who specialises in delusions/hallucinations .Youre special !!

LyraStorm

2/ 3/10 8:56pm

Hi Emily,

I can understand your desire to escape it all and drinking can be one way of doing that but I also think you recognise that it doesn't help in the long term. Like Merely Me said medication can take a while to start working - I know it's tough but I think you'd do well to hang in there until it does start to help you cause that is better long term: the drink might make you feel better for a few minutes now but worse in the future, the medication should make you feel better full stop... that and therapy and looking after yourself of course.

I really hope it starts working for you soon, you're going through a lot and it's clearly taking its toll on you. Keep fighting - I think you're really strong and you can do this.

ALifeWorthLiving

2/ 9/10 3:58pm

Emily, I am so very sorry about all the things you have experienced in your short life.

Please, please, please contact your psychiatrist ASAP. I once took Effexor (you have the generic form) and it simply did not work. I finally found a different psyciatrist and we have finally found a mixture of meds that are helping immensely. Why? Because this doctor listens to me! They can't help us if we aren't open and honest with them about what we are experiencing/feeling. Your doctor needs to know ASAP that you are still having suicidal thoughts. There are meds that are quicker working and there are others that can be prescibed that can help ease the symptoms until the other meds kick in. In my experience, "regular" doctors can be a good starting point for your mental health issues but psychiatrists are the best choice for ongoing treatment of serious mental health issues like yours and mine. They work with these disorders on a daily basis and are much more familiar with the meds than general practitioners.

I have also found a therapist that helped me just as much. It actually took spending a week in the hospital before I found her but good ones are out there who can help. With all that you've been throught, you need to find someone you can talk to. A good therapist will not only listen but also teach you skills for living a "life worth living" that doesn't depend on alcohol or "recreational" drugs to dull the pain. Friends and family are important too but they don't have the training that therapists do. Besides, they are too close to the situation to provide the objectivity that you need to get the most help. If money is an issue, there are many places who have a "sliding scale" (reduced fees depending on your/your parents financial situation.

I totally understand the need to do whatever you can to stop the pain. As others have commented, the alcohol and drugs only mask the pain. Also, sleep is VERY important too. It's our bodies way of "healing" ourself both physically and emotionally. It won't replace the need for therapy or even meds but it is key to enabling you to deal with life on a daily basis.

Please hang in there, Emily. Help is out there that will ease your suffering. Your school social worker may also be able to help with insight to programs/doctors/therapists in your area. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Just one more drink

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