what do I do?

I am a 28 yr old male and think I have been dealing with depression since I was 10 or so.  I was never diagnosed and never sought help medically or really with any friends or family.  I guess I'm too ashamed to admit to anybody how bad I feel about myself.  I feel they would be sympathetic but that's not what I need.  I want the feelings of self-worthlessness to go away and that won't happen with a pat on the back.  I have struggled financially lately which doesn't help and for the first time I'm probably at a point where I realize I really need to be talking to someone and may be willing to.  But I have no insurance and don't know where to go.   This is the closest I've ever been to openning up about how bad I feel about myself.  I think some friends and family have noticed over the years but I guess I do a good job of convincing them its only temporary and that I'm over it quickly.  I don't know why I do that.  I have made mistakes in my life that I don't think I'll ever recover from.  I think I will always be a financial mess.  I was never very good at making friends but have a few close ones that I feel comfortable around.  But despite that I think I keep them at arms length about this.  I guess I'm afraid of how it would affect those relationships if I do open up.  I've never been in love and doubt I ever will.  It's hard to meet someone when you don't feel yourself worthy of anyone.  I wonder if depression is a result of some chemicle imbalance in the brain, or just the feelings that come up when so many things seem to go against you.  I geuss I had a suicide attempt about a month ago.  I swallowed about 50 tylenol after a few beers and tried to go to sleep.  I felt myself really starting to lose it and got scared and forced myself to throw up.  I must have been close though.  I hadn't drank that much but could barely walk or keep myself awake.  I thought afterwords that changing my mind would be a turning point and actually felt better for a few days.  For the first time in a long time I was happy to be alive.  But before long the same feelings starting coming back and now I'm back where I started.  Everywhere I go on the web says that I should see my doctor.  Not really an option.  What do I do now?