hanging by a thin thread

I feel like I've only stayed alive for last 15 years or so for other poeple.  I accepted the fact that i'm just a miserable person a long time ago.  My father convinced me when I was 15 that "no matter what you do, you'll never please anybody."  And I believed it then, despite it being an awfull thing to say to your son, as much as I do today as it has only been proven truer by the day.  So what's the point in "getting through another day" when each one is worse than the last and there's no reason to believe that anything in the future will be better.  Being someone who has contemplated suiced for about 2 thirds of my life now, i begin to feel that all the regular reasons not to do it, "thing's will get better", "you need to think more positively", just don't apply to me.  So i sit here nowadays, wishing that by doing it, it wouldn't hurt my family so much, b/c that's about the only reason not to anymore.  It's like I look to god all the time just asking for his permission b/c the church tells me it's the worst sin a human can commit.  So I'm supposed to spend 80 years in misery when I'm just one of those people who were wired wrong instead of cutting short a life that has hardly known a happy moment?  ok, it's a week moment.  but more and more, i feel I'm losing this battle.  everyday I fight to convince myself not to do it.  walking down the street i find it a battle not to fling myself in front of each car that passes.  so far i am undefeated in this daily battle to stay alive.  but all it takes is one loss and the game's over.  but everyday i can tell that i'm one day closer to breaking that winning streak and giving in.  i know my last post got a lot of responses and I appreciate them.  I read them all and they definately helped.  I'm sorry I didn't respond.  I guess in a way they helped enough to make me feel like i could ignore it.... for a while.  But it just keeps coming back.