Needing Support

Thank you for your kind words. The medications that she is currently taking are Lexapro, Lamotrigine, Clonazepan, Geodon, Budeprion and Prazosin. The doctor has told me that there are two stages to her treatment. The first stage is to aggressively treat her mood swings with medication. Once he has stabilized her mood then he will start her counseling. Part of my frustration is that I just found out a few weeks ago that she isn't telling the doctor the truth about how she feels when she visits him once a week. She has been telling him what he wants to hear so that she can leave the office and resume her life. I had to attend one of her resent visits because I wanted the doctor to know how she has been acting at home. I feel like she is just going through the motions so she doesn't have to face her problems. Don't get me wrong I cant begin to comprehend the pain that she must be going through right now. Although her post partum started the depression process, her demons from her past have surfaced. She was abused physically and sexually as child and she has never learned to deal with the pain. She learned to bury it deep down and hope it would go away. I knew of the physical abuse before we got married but I only learned of the sexual abuse a few years ago. I now have an agreement with the doctor to call him twenty four hours prior to her appointments so that I can debrief him and let him know about her actions. The trend right now is that she has two or three good days followed with three or four bad days. Right now I'm just looking for someone to talk to or write to. I can only talk about this so much with my boss because he can't relate to my frustrations. I've talked to my Mom and Sister about it and they give me a lot of positive feed back but I can't talk to them everyday. I have so much frustration......I'm angry with the ones who did this to my wife.....I'm angry with myself for not seeing the signs sooner in our marriage.....I'm angry with my wife for not telling me everything about herself....I'm frustrated that I can't help her anymore than what I've already doing right now....I'm frustrated that I can't talk to someone more often about how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I would like to see a counselor but we cant afford it right now because of her therapy and medication costs. I registered to this website in the hopes of being able to connect with others so that I can vent and share my "personal hell" with those who would want to listen to me and share with me their personal experiences. I hope I haven't rambled on to long. Thank you for the response. It's nice to know that someone was listening.

You're welcome. Its funny that you have suggested to me about going to my wifes doctor appointments because I started going last month in order to watch our two year old son while she is in counceling. I have also been calling the doctor the day before each of her visits so that I can communicate to the doctor how she has been acting at home because she hasn't been telling him everything. This last week was one of the worst weeks she has had in over a month but you wouldn't know it today. She was up beat and happy all day long. I find myself not wanting to say anything because when she is depressed she twists my words around and use them against me. I know that my frustration is because I want to fix the situation and I can't. That is what men do....they fix things! We can't fix this so we get frustrated and then silent to avoid further arguments. This is a emotional roller coaster ride for your husband because he wants to help you and can't. I hope you and your family gets through this and feel free to drop me a line anytime.

Bill

P.S. The best advice about marriage came from my Grandfather who said...."Marriage isn't a 50-50 thing. Its a 100-100 thing. Each one of you needs to give 100% so that when your spouce can't give anything you are still making it work."