My wife has been suffering from depression for over two years. She suffered from post partum depression after our first child was born in December of 2001 but through medication and cousuling she seemed to have beaten it. In October of 2006 we had our second child and she went into a deep depression that she has never rebounded from. We had a series of events in our life in 2007 and 2008 that drove her depression down to the point where my intervention was unavoidable. I began to notice severe mood swings, excessive drinking in the middle of the day, lack of modivation, fatigue, sadness, and lack of self worth in my wife. In 2008 she refused to see a Doctor and I had do the one thing I never wanted to do in our marrage.....I had to give her an alternative of either seeing a Doctor or me leaving her with the kids in hand. Reluctantly she has been seeing a Doctor since October of 2008 but it has been a long, hard, bumpy and expensive road for our family. This problem has put undo stress on our children and our marriage. It is also affecting my performace at work. Luck for me my supervisor has been understanding but I don't want to take advantage of him. I'm looking for others that are going through or have gone through this hell. Many times I feel alone and helpless. I just want the woman back that I married 14 years ago.
Needing Support
I want to thank you for writing in with what you and your family is trying to cope with.
I am your wife. That is I need to know what all is affecting my husband so as to work on trying to make my illness less in his thoughts and responsibility.
I do wish that all the right answer will come to you. I do feel that your wife, if she had all the right capibilities, would be putting 5o% effort in her marriage and parenting.
You may have to do some overtime and learn what is going on with your wife. That would be by going to a Doctor appointment with her, reading, reading and more reading about how your wife is dealing with her life right now, and maybe having to join a support group yourself.
Again, thank you for your information sharing that you have done. It just helps me a bit to know what is going through my husband's mind when he is not speaking.
I wish both you and your wife a speedy recovery and the road to wellness will not be so challenging.
Please send in an update every now and then.
Thank you and take care.
Marlene S
You're welcome. Its funny that you have suggested to me about going to my wifes doctor appointments because I started going last month in order to watch our two year old son while she is in counceling. I have also been calling the doctor the day before each of her visits so that I can communicate to the doctor how she has been acting at home because she hasn't been telling him everything. This last week was one of the worst weeks she has had in over a month but you wouldn't know it today. She was up beat and happy all day long. I find myself not wanting to say anything because when she is depressed she twists my words around and use them against me. I know that my frustration is because I want to fix the situation and I can't. That is what men do....they fix things! We can't fix this so we get frustrated and then silent to avoid further arguments. This is a emotional roller coaster ride for your husband because he wants to help you and can't. I hope you and your family gets through this and feel free to drop me a line anytime.
Bill
P.S. The best advice about marriage came from my Grandfather who said...."Marriage isn't a 50-50 thing. Its a 100-100 thing. Each one of you needs to give 100% so that when your spouce can't give anything you are still making it work."
I was just checking to see how things are going for your wife and you. If you would like someone to chat with about it, I'm willing. I have had depression problems for many years (starting with post partum 30 years ago) and have been doing great (on medication) for the last few years. My husband has been the greatest ally and I can tell you how he has helped me thru the tough times the most.
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Hi
I am reading your story and I must say...you and your wife and family have truly been through so much. I am glad to hear that your wife has decided to agree to see someone. Is she taking any medication as well?
Depression is so frustrating and heartbreaking for those who are trying to help a loved one. You have done well to get your wife the care that she needs.
I am hoping more people will read your post and chime in with their experience. We also have a forum here where you can post your story and you may find that forum right here.
How can we best help you? Are you looking for information, support, or just to share your story?
Let us know how we can best help you.
Thank you for your kind words. The medications that she is currently taking are Lexapro, Lamotrigine, Clonazepan, Geodon, Budeprion and Prazosin. The doctor has told me that there are two stages to her treatment. The first stage is to aggressively treat her mood swings with medication. Once he has stabilized her mood then he will start her counseling. Part of my frustration is that I just found out a few weeks ago that she isn't telling the doctor the truth about how she feels when she visits him once a week. She has been telling him what he wants to hear so that she can leave the office and resume her life. I had to attend one of her resent visits because I wanted the doctor to know how she has been acting at home. I feel like she is just going through the motions so she doesn't have to face her problems. Don't get me wrong I cant begin to comprehend the pain that she must be going through right now. Although her post partum started the depression process, her demons from her past have surfaced. She was abused physically and sexually as child and she has never learned to deal with the pain. She learned to bury it deep down and hope it would go away. I knew of the physical abuse before we got married but I only learned of the sexual abuse a few years ago. I now have an agreement with the doctor to call him twenty four hours prior to her appointments so that I can debrief him and let him know about her actions. The trend right now is that she has two or three good days followed with three or four bad days. Right now I'm just looking for someone to talk to or write to. I can only talk about this so much with my boss because he can't relate to my frustrations. I've talked to my Mom and Sister about it and they give me a lot of positive feed back but I can't talk to them everyday. I have so much frustration......I'm angry with the ones who did this to my wife.....I'm angry with myself for not seeing the signs sooner in our marriage.....I'm angry with my wife for not telling me everything about herself....I'm frustrated that I can't help her anymore than what I've already doing right now....I'm frustrated that I can't talk to someone more often about how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I would like to see a counselor but we cant afford it right now because of her therapy and medication costs. I registered to this website in the hopes of being able to connect with others so that I can vent and share my "personal hell" with those who would want to listen to me and share with me their personal experiences. I hope I haven't rambled on to long. Thank you for the response. It's nice to know that someone was listening.