Ive been living with depression for 8 months now. With the therapy and medicines im much much better now. The problem is that while i was still learning to cope with it, i treated my boyfriend really badly. on my bad days ive even hit him and gotten into fights for unneccesary reasons. I used to yell at him and get angry for everything. Simply put i was a disaster to deal with then. Anything even the smallest of things would set me off and then it was like a bomb ticking and finally exploding. He had to bear the brunt of everything.
But now ive learned to deal with all that and i dont act like that anymore. I hardly ever get angry and even if i do i dont yell, i dont "lose it". But now it just seems like my boyfriend will never forgive me for acting the way i did then. It doesnt matter if i tell him that, the person then wasnt me, but he still cant forget the way i acted then and all the things i did then. He now always tells me that i dont have the right to say anything or have a problem with anything now because of the way i acted then. And now he gets easily upset with me and everytime i say anything to him that he does not like, he gets upset and keeps telling me that i dont have the right to say anything to him. He is absolutely amazing otherwise and ill never be thankful enough to him for dealing with me and loving me as much as he does to have tolerated my behavior then. This is the guy that i want to marry, but i dont know if i can deal with the fact that he constanly brings up the way i acted then and thinks that because of that i have no right to say anything to him now. Is this a normal reaction for him to have? Will it pass and is this just temporary? Please help me because i dont want to lose him...
I've been living with depression for 8 years and I am just now getting off of medication. My symptoms are coming back and I am hoping that it is just an adjustment period and that I will mentally even out again. Regarding your boyfriend, I have been doing the same thing lately (2 or 3 weeks) and I really feel horrible about it. It's only been about a week that I've been really bad but I don't know if he will forget it. He talked to me about it yesterday for the first time. He is going to a therapist to deal with other issues that he has had in the past and I think that it will help with dealing with me and help him get rid of some of his anger and understand. I think that your boyfriend is probably angry because he knew that he could not say anything back then because of what you were dealing with and he was never able to express how he was feeling and now all of those feelings are jumbled up inside of him still. Now that you are learning how to deal with things, he probably has a lot that he wants to say but because he's kept it inside for so long he may not know how. You really need to let him get that out so that he does not resent you for what happened. I think that you should either suggest that he talk to a professional, or if you think that you can handle hearing what he may have to say without becoming angry, you should try talking to him about it. If he doesn't get it out, you will not be able to have a healthy relationship. I know that what happened and how you had been reacting was not your fault at all and just wanted to stress that, but the feelings that he has from what went on are real and should be taken seriously. I hope that this helped.
I have the same fears that you do about my relationship. As I said, it has really only been a week or 2 that have been bad but he told me yesterday that he does not know if he can take it anymore. I am so scared.
I think that you should really thank him to for helping you through it and trying not to take your outbreaks personally all that time because he knew that you were sick. It was really mature of him to be able to handle that so he is probably dealing with the fall out now.
Thanks. I have spoken to him and he has told me about how he felt then. I just dont know for how much longer i can deal with this but i also know that i ant be without him. Its just frustrating because i know how much he put up with for me but i cant have that always held against me. I just hope that with time he realizes that the person then wasn't me. I really think that while coming off the medication you should go to the therapist also to make the transition smoother. Did you still have days when you just felt emotionally messed up while you were still on your medication. All though the medication has helped me tremendously with dealing with my anger, i just feel like now i cry way too easily for everything and i never used to cry before. I get hurt very easily now especially with my boyfriend. Is that ok? Ive stopped going to the therapist, should i go back?
Im not sure what your symptoms are but for me a nice shower, a jog, or even a mindless movie really helps calm me down. I feel like its better if you learn to deawith the symptoms independant of the medication. Thanks again.