Scared and unsure what to do.

By fifi Tuesday, September 29, 2009

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I'm feeling in a bit of a pickle at the moment. Money is getting a bit tight now and my husband would like me to go out and work and that feels a bit scaryto me at the moment as last time I worked I had a complete breakdown.

He cant work as he suffers from depression too and was pensioned off by his company which is paying our bills. This stops him from working as he will lose his money. I feel that it's down to me now' but I'm scared of getting stressed out again. I'm still not feeling a hundred percent and still have anxiety issues, so I just dont know what to do at the moment.

craving for bulgar wheat. Anyone have any recipes PLEASE..........

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moonflowers

9/29/09 10:58am

Oh Fifi I know the feeling. Although my job is not normally stressful, I always feel anxiety going there. One day I started to try and figure out what I could do and also make some kind of money, while not giving me so tension. The only thing I came up with is school. I don't know where you live, or if you could even deal with that type of environment? I figured I'm actually doing something that I want to be doing. I am choosing the career path, I am choosing the amount of classes. It's like I'm not being MADE to go do something I dont want to do. I know here in California the max financial aid is something like $2600 per semester/full time and about $2000 per semester/ about 9 units. I think 9 units are about 4 to 5 classes. Just a thought.

Some how, some way things will work out.

fifi

9/29/09 11:25am

Thanks for getting back Moonflowers.

The thing is. I like being at home now. cooking and cleaning. I feel safer there and feel that I can finally take care of myself as well as everyone else now. We have enough money( well I think so anyway) it's never enough for my husband. We also have savings, but he says thats for when we are older.

We were supposed to have our honey moon holiday that we never had this year, and he promised, but now he's saying that we cant afford it. I think if he really wanted to he could take it out of his savings. We have more than enough for that. He says he definately wants to go but I'm feeling a bit confused as to why were not.

Now the children are older I think that we could be doing more, but all he goes on about is money. Sorry to go on . but I just had to get it off my chest.

fifi

9/29/09 11:27am

Sorry Moonflowers. I live in United Kingdom.

moonflowers

9/29/09 1:00pm

This seems to be a really big issue with men more than wemon. Of course we care about our savings and want to be "okay" when we get old. I have a few freinds (male) that I can't even comprehend to the train of thought and the trouble they go through to save up. I would not in any way compramise my happiness for half of what some people would do for money. Like I said, I think its a man thing......maybe he'll come around.

martha

9/29/09 2:52pm

FiFi, have you thought of mabe a part time job with part time hours to start with

this may sound bad but fast food places

and some banks offer this it mite help

fifi

9/30/09 12:54am

Hi Martha. Thanks for taking the time to answer.

I've worked in a fast food restaurant before and really enjoyed it, but I'm not sure I can handle that now. I like fashion and beauty products and everyone keeps telling me to do something with that. It's just taking that first step. I've been looking on the net for jobs and I will keep trying. Thanks Martha.

psychoward1

9/29/09 3:31pm

Is it a tool to ward off intimacy?

Is it the controlling factor in a relationship?

Fifi,

Sounds to me like you need to be talking with a counselor, digging out the emotions that you are suppressing.

Pat

fifi

9/30/09 12:36am

Thanks for your reply. I really think that my husband worries a lot about money, as he talks a lot about it, also telling us all to switch off lights and turn the tele off. If I go to the toilet or pop upstairs, i'll come back down and the tele is off. It drives me crazy. I just think he has this thing about money. He tells me that it's constantly on his mind. We dont owe anyone any money and were not in debt. I'm not sure what the problem really is.

Judy

9/29/09 7:28pm

Fifi, maybe working part-time could be a solution. I know that a lot of people feel like they will never have enough saved up to "retire" but on the other hand, we aren't promised a tomorrow, we only have today and I think we have to strike a reasonable balance between living our lives now and protecting our future. I may have to work again some day, which I don't like thinking about, but I would try to find something that wouldn't be really stressful or a lot of responsibility, if that's what you're afraid of. Maybe you could talk to a career counselor or job coach and try to discover what kinds of things you might be able to do, while enjoying it - if you have to work. Or maybe you and your husband could talk to a financial planner and figure out just what the real story is. Maybe you don't have to scrimp as much as your husband thinks and maybe between the two of you, you'll need to think of a way to generate some income, but you could then at least have a realistic picture of your finances and make some decisions based on that.

Good luck with this, I do empathize because I have so enjoyed the last three years of not working and if I do work again, it will be something I've chosen very carefully so that I am never again in a position like I was before, where I was always at the mercy of somebody else and had no power. I know I don't have to do that again.

fifi

9/30/09 12:50am

Thanks Judy.

I say this to my husband about finding a balance for now and the future, but he just seems frightened to touch any of our savings.

Yes a part time Job would probably be a good idea anyway as there have been many times that I've been climbing the walls if I'm honest. I just dont understand why money is such a big issue to him. The only thing I can think of is that his mother was so careful as well and they always lived scrimping and scraping with money still in the bank. His sister is rolling in money and they are the most careful people with money that I've met in my life. They're always saying they cant afford things. What is this big thing about Money. I get really annoyed as there are people out there who really are struggling to make ends meet and I know what it's really like as we had little money as a child, a lot of the times not even having food in the cupboard and feeling really hungry going to bed a lot of the times. It just makes me really angry.

Thanks Judy for taking the time again to answer. Much appreciated as always.

Scared and unsure what to do.

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