I am trying to find help with depression and anxiety

By Shuntas Saturday, October 31, 2009

- A
- A
- A

I was searching on the internet trying to find an online support group when I found this site. I hope to find a place online where I can find help and support from people who understands where I am coming from. I thought that I had only depression for all of these years but a therapist told me, after talking with him, that I suffer from post traumatic stress. I have experience trauma all of my life and I thought I was dealing with it. I haven't had a terrible bout of depressed days for about two years. And now I am scared that I am going back on the depressed train. Years ago I suffered from deep hurtful depression for about three weeks out of a month and have one great week. For the last two years I will have about three good weeks and one bad one and I thought I was doing just fine. Now I am so scared. I am trembling inside. I can't live for one good week anymore. I just want inner peace. Why can't I be happy in this short lifetime? I wonder. I am 35 years old. I don't want to be depressed. I will be old soon. I would've spent my best years being depressed and confused. I wish that there was some surgery that could wipe out all the sad thoughts and feelings from me.

Comments (4) | Add comment

LyraStorm

10/31/09 6:44am

Hi and welcome to the site. We all listen and support each other here but perhaps you should look for a bit of therapy where you can talk this through with another in person. It's understandable to be afraid of falling back into that worse dip but be careful because you might trigger it - a bit of self fulfilling prophecy. If you are having three good weeks and one bad week a month at the moment the new knowledge that you PTSD doesn't have to mean you'll revert back to 3 bad weeks and one good week - it's just a lable. A diagnosis that is supposed to help you cope. Try not to panic - just learn what you can about it and the treatments that are suggested for it might help things get even better for you.

Keep writing, this a great group of people you've found here on this site.

Judy

10/31/09 9:43am

Hi, Shuntas. I'm sorry you're not feeling so great right now, but don't worry - you're not old yet! I didn't know I had PTSD until I was 40 or so. I think what happens is that once you start dealing with the trauma, it's going to be painful and it might trigger some depression as you process it, but you have a therapist to support you and it does get better over time. It's not a process you can rush, it takes as long as it takes. Maybe try to think of it as an adventure, maybe a scary one, but you have a guide, someone to lean on when you need it. I've been working on this for many years, which might sound depressing in itself, but I am so much better than I was before. There are different things you could explore, as well, such as body work (because memories are stored in your body, even if you don't remember them) and EMDR. Some antidepressants are better for PTSD than others, too.

Thanks for reaching out here, you're welcome to write any time - make yourself at home!

Merely Me, Health Guide

10/31/09 3:25pm

Hi there

Well first of all I am really glad you found our site. There are a ton of great people here who have suffered through so many life experiences and are living to tell their tales. You will definitely find strength here.

Secondly...35? You are a youngster! Seriously...age is a relative thing. It goes by quickly so enjoy this age you are now. There is a lot of life ahead of you hopefully and much to enjoy and accomplish.

I can tell you that I have been in the boat where you are now. It seems hopeless and you might feel like you are spinning your wheels. But I am here to tell you that there is hope and you can feel better.

I also understand about the wish for peace of mind...I was thinking recently that more than happiness...I wish for peace of mind. There are many days when I feel like I wake up with an anvil on my chest that doesn't go away. Then on those rare days...I feel free and easy. Who knows why? I think what helps me the most is the thought at my core that this...this life of mine...is all for a reason. There is great purpose to your life...and it is up to you to find what this is. Easier said than done I know.

Don't want to bombard you with meaningless cliches here...so I am just gonna conclude by saying that...you do matter....and I hope you stay on with us just to vent, talk, or share your day.

We are here for you in this...limited capacity...but know that we care nontheless.

Marishka

10/31/09 6:16pm

Hi Shuntas,

Well I relate to your post a lot. I can relate to 'wasting the best years of our life' But the only way I can keep going, as I think Merely Me may have suggested, is to find meaning somehow in the struggle.

I still have hope that my struggle and pain does and will help other people. Yours too. I think sometimes we are not even aware of who we may have helped by sharing our stories. Sometimes just hearing someone else who has a similar experience makes a person feel the will to continue. Like your story--for me, or mine for someone. So I think right there is meaning to our suffering --and journeys to wholeness and healing.

I wish it was less painful, faster and I'd be to the good part already more of the time, but maybe like everyone says--in God's time, not ours.:)

I too have severe PTSD and noise and stress makes it horrific. But now I am in a place that I can tolerate for now, the symptoms have lessened. Also like someone mentioned, I will try to get EMDR---supposed to really help, so I encourage you too if you can try it too.

You are not alone in your struggle. Maybe our struggles bring us together with certain people we would not have otherwise met, I'm sure they do---like you and I! I do believe that we can clumsily and painstakingly move through our struggles and eventually learn to move a little less painfully through our lives but the timing is not ours, it seems... Give yourself a hug, do a special thing for yourself, take a bath, enjoy nature, give a smile to someone--all these help me if only a little....

Hope you are feeling a little better today :)

Marishka

I am trying to find help with depression and anxiety

Ask a Question