I_am_looking_forward_to_the_rubber_room

Janet, Thats a whole lot on your plate. You should get with someone and figure out a support system. I know not having a job really stinks. I have been looking since sept08, and I've had 1 interview(hopefully hear good news this week). I took a claritin-d last night and havent slept a wink. Anyway keep holdin on..

Pat

hi janet

I feel for you. I don't imho know what to say. It's good to get it out of your system,Thank you for reminding me to do that. I hope you take good care of your daughter. Sounds like she really needs you. I know when I threated to commit suicide,my mother got real upset and almost cried. You see, We really don't know how we affect someone by are actions. It's important to keep a clear perspective in these troubled,very troubled times.

My sympathy for you and your daughter.

If I can help let me know

Sincerely,

Jon P Ward

I wrote this for another poster, but what the heck. You are definitely in a pile of mess - but I think the following will remind you of some tactics that will help you from feeling overwhelmed and "rubbery":

Here's the quick on my progress from depressed to reasonably content human being:

Talk therapy for 38 years (more on than off) -
AA since 1984

Psychiatrist for meds since 1995 (last year finally found meds that really work - for me it's Wellbutrin & Buspar)

Here's the short 'n sweet of why I'm still alive and not in a rubber room:

Not allowed: Self-pity (OK, if it's a death or something horrible, you can "Why me"
                 for maybe 1 day - that's it)
                 "Your Ego Is Out To Get Your Ass" - for instance, you don't have a job,
                 but you feel it's "beneath you" to work at McDonald's because you have
                 a degree, blah blah blah - go work at McDonald's and shut up about it -
                 learn what you can, and keep sending out resumes etc. for a better job.

                 "I won't take meds because it's not natural" - bull. We are a pile of
                chemicals. If you're depressed, your brain chemistry is messed up, and
                 waiting for it to "fix itself" is stupid. Get some meds, take them as directed
                 and talk to the doctor before you change anything. DO NOT STOP TAKING
                 THEM unless you tell the doctor why you don't want them (usually "it's
                  not working" after a week - wayyyyyy too soon usually). And then, if the
                 doctor agrees to stop or switch, do it as directed. And research it also on
                  the internet, because even shrinks don't know everything, and everyone's
                  body chemistry is different.

Allowed: gratitude, being of service to others, 12-step meetings (emotions anonymous
             for instance, or - gasp - a talk therapist!!!! And yes, if you're poor you can
             still get help - here comes the ego again - go to the county health clinic and
             keep trying. I'm sorry if you don't want to admit you're poor or screwed up -
             do it anyway.

So - If your ego is running the show, you're in trouble. No ego allowed.

       Keep trying no matter what.

Janet,

I really am not here to say this is what you can do. Oh, gosh, wouldn't that be great if everything we heard were true!!!

As mentioned you do have alot on your plate. It has been said to just do one thing at a time. I wish that came with an 100% guarantee.

To me I think a person needs to express just how they often feel. I know it doesn't always come that easy to express or even know how to put it all into words.

Life can be so frustrating and if we, that is anyone, can't handle it I see nothing wrong in that. I do always hope that the person going through this can come out of this dispare. It is not as easy for some as it is for other's.

I don't understand why other's do not understand. To me there are so many of us crying out for some kind of help. What became of the saying "Do unto other's as you would have them do unto you"? Now I am not a church going person. Went almost every Sunday until the age of 17. I am letting other's know my religious education so I can't be damned  by theirs and their beliefs.

Life is good some days and not so for other days. And, there are days that are the worst. I am just so glad when I can come out of those days. That is what I wish for you.

I am not sure exactly how to explain it but someone or something needs to take place in your world so you can be a little more and feel a bit more good about yourself.   

I don't post much but I do keep in contact by reading other's postings. I do hope to hear from you again sometime with a smile in your heart even if it is for that day.

Take care now!

Marlene     

without going thru all the grisly details, Janet....Yes I've been there, & worse. I promise... no cliches, but....rummage around within your soul, & come up with a reason for You...listen, it's ok to get selfish once in a while, so, even for a moment, if you can be for you, & only you, it'll help a lot. Peace!