Just following up on your visit.

Helen

Dottie

7/ 2/08 10:16am

Went pretty well, I didn't completely fall apart, only minor outbursts. I talked-he listened, he talked-I listened. He put me back on Prozac. I will go back in in a month to see if we need to change anything else. He suggested I could start seeing a conselor if I thought that would help. I said no, 'cause I don't have insurance and I had enough trouble just coming into see him. I am not sure I could talk to a total stranger face to face. I feel stupid for getting so worked up and also relieved that it all went well. Thanks for asking!

Dottie

Hi Dottie,

You are not being stupid at all!! congradulations on taking the first step.  I also suffer from depression, and the hardest thing I ever did was to walk into the doctor's office and tell him what was going on.  The first time was a four weeks ago.  At that time, I refused to see a counselor since I thought this was a sign of weakness. 

when I went back, I asked what happens during a counceling session. I believed the doctor that this would help, but I didn't know if I could do it.  I called my health care provider who didn't seem to care that I was asking about depression.  When I called the councelling service, I spoke to the receptionist who has also suffered from depression. Her kind way of handling my request made all the difference. She actually talked to me for about 10 minutes about her depression. It made it so much easier to have this.  After talking to her,  I made an appointment - unfortunately it takes about 4-6 weeks to get one.   Some days I'm in good shape and think that I don't need a counselor.  I won't let myself cancel the appointment. My life has been miserable enough that I would seek help from anyone at this point. My job is the trigger here - I'm sitting in a spot where everyone believes I'm stupid and can't program anything.  They talk around and down to me.  It has been miserable for me to even go into there day after day for the last four weeks.  My employer says they are looking for a new job for me, but so far no results.  I spend most evenings crying and getting anxious about the next day. 

I'm hoping that a councelor can get me off my duff and help motivate me to move on from this existence. I've gone on a job interview, but I know it will be hard for me to move myself out of my current job. I lack the motivation and question my ability to program anything.  I am SCARED to go anywhere else in case I fail again.  I hate the fact that I doubt my ability and know that a councelor can give me some ideas and how to cope with this horrible disease.

Just remember - taking the first step of going to see the doctor is hard, but is definately worth it.  This is a medical condition, not a weakness. It actually takes a great deal of courage to walk into the doctor's office and admit that you have depression. Once you do, you'll find it easier to deal with this and to tell them what you are feeling. 

You might even feel at a later time that a councelor is the way to go.  Remember, the first step is the hardest. Calling the councelor was admitting that I had a problem that needs to be fixed.

Dottie

7/30/08 5:02pm

Yep, I made it into the doctors office and have now gone back for a check up on the prozac after 1 month. I have seen some differences. I have not had as many insomnia attacks (or just not as bad)and I have a bit better control over some crying outburts. So, I guess it is helping. I have soooo many issues I just need my emotions under control so that I can begin to deal with them all. I have to get back to work...

Dottie