What should I do?

I work for a very worthwhile non-profit. I actually came to the program as a battered women with a child. We worked the program and was offered a job. Love my job most of the time. I do not have a social work degree but a life degree. I am all about helping to make the world a better place to live.

Yesterday we had our annual thanksgiving meal for the women and children. I work as the facilities manager. That is a nice way of saying that I scrape the stuff off the floor and keep thirty-five apartment units in top shape. I worked my tail end off cooking the turkey and peeling all of the potatoes, along with all of my other duties. I enjoy cooking and it gives me a lot of pleasure. Family is very important to me. Stood on my feet all day and was just about to the point of when it would be time to mashed the potatoes. Then a group of office people come in and just take over. The other staff members who did nothing all day acted as if they had worked so hard. I guess setting a few dishes and moving a couple of tables can really tire you out. I constantly allow them to put me in the corner. They have no idea how bad they made me feel. I went home and just cried for hours not that it matters. They would say you shouldn't take in so personal. I did take it as your are not part of the program staff go home and stay in your place. Spent years being told that I was stupid and dumb from a child to my married life. They remind me so often that I do not have a degree not in words but just in the way they treat me.

Fragile is how I am feeling. I had to fight not to take a razor blade and start cutting and never stopping. Trust is not easy for me and just when I think it is possible it happens again. Even today I am tearing up just because I allow them to have that much power over me. I will have the mask on today and act as if nothing happened. They will just say it is your illness making you feel this way. Feel like I am on an Island today all by myself hoping to keep the fight up. These are the people who are suppose to understand and help? 

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