My mother has suffered from depression for years. She has been hospitalized for it twice over the last 11 years. She will do good for a while but then slips back into a serious depressive state. She will stay in bed for days on end. My family has depended on me to pretty much "deal with her and the situation" when she gets really bad. She has been on every medication for depression known to man. She recently started Abilify which helped so much, then right before Christmas, her counselor was killed in a car accident. We live in a very rural area and "good" mental health personnel are hard to find. She has now slipped back into "the darkness" and I don't know what to do. I am at the end of my rope and can't deal with this anymore. However, the guilt that will haunt me if something happens may send me into the dark abysis as I also suffer from depression. Any support, ideas, suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and support.
what to do next
I am sorry about your troubles but just remember depression is a sickness that none of us want to go through. I am with the other person that commented, take care of your wellbeing and not let yourself go. You need your health before you can continue to help your mom. Ask for help from others you will be surprise the many people that will help you. I will also pray for you and your mom and I do believe that your mom will come out of her darkness very soon. GOD takes us through trials to make us stronger. Please just hold on because you are not alone.
tp50
I am knew to the website so just saw what's been going on with you and your mom.she is very lucky to have you.i agree that you have to take care of yourself or you could suffer the effects.I was a caregiver for a family member and it is exhausting,it takes it toll on you.I'm sorry for what you are going through.I hope by now things are better.The only advice I have is to stay positive with yourself and know that people out there that you don't even know care and pray for you.
Hi,
Have you ever had her diagnosed. It almost sounds like Bipolar Disorder. I seem to do the same thing that I'll be high functioning for a while and then something will happen or come up that will throw me back in to depression. Now, I am dealing with 3 1/2 yrs since my Mother's death from Pancreatic Cancer along with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Sometimes, light therapy will help too. There are light bulbs that resemble daylight.
Just a few things to think about. Has she or you ever had counseling (talk therapy) to help you deal with the depression? I hope you find the help you need.
Have doctors never put your Mom on something "stronger", or looked into alternative methods of therapy? There are lots of alternatives out there right now. Cymbalta is helping a lot of people, but she might need several medications to keep her completely stable. Most people find that works best. Ask questions, don't be afraid to do research, and you'll find the help you most need for both of you.
It's important for you to get support in helping you deal with the responsibility of your mother. She is fortunate to have such a good daughter. I am a clinical social worker and in my current position I work with the senior population and their caretakers. You are a "primary caretaker" and need relief in dealing with the roller coaster experience of monitoring your mother's mental health. Contact an office for the aging in your area and try to get some community members involved with helping monitor your mother. Sometimes the local department of health have professionals that can initiate referrals for services or provide home visits to counsel your mother.
I found that sometimes the concept of counseling isn't accepted by some seniors but presented as home visits, it can become an opportunity to chat and reminisce life review issues which your mother would probably benefit from.. It would be good to have a psychrist evaluate your mother for out patient medication therapy.
Good luck and keep strong for yourself!
We are not alone are we when it comes to caring for an ill relative and especially a parent. I can only say that I have gone through many years duplicating many of the words you have written in your post.
When I read of someone else having or choosing, which ever is the correct word usuage, I feel so bad inside.
It is a reminder of the very defunctional home I was raised in. Yes, I cared for my mother, my birth father, my step father, my grandmother, and now a half sister. I am the only one here, same city, who can do it.
It is very draining not only in dealing with the time it takes but also alot of emotions that come with this event.
I just wanted to let you know that it is hard, very had and so mentally draining in c aring for a relative. Don't ever think your thoughts are not worth saying. It does consume so much of your time, thought's and strength. Don't feel that you do not have the right to voice your thoughts and opinion's on the very large responsibility that you have taken on. It must be true than when other's say that our relative is fortunate to have us and also that for doing this we know were we are going when we die.
I don't really like to hear about how good I may or may not be or if there is a special place in heaven for people like me. What you need is a sounding board.
I too know that if we are doing all this that we should be incharge of all interest involved for caring for this person.
I feel what we need is time. We are learning so much that other's are not as we experience this life with whom we are caring for. We may not want to hear about or go through all of this with the patient. Someone will do it no matter if it is us or a medical facility.
Life just is the way it is sometimes. Not everyone is going to live life the way we would of liked to.
I do want to say again I feel for you. I hope you get this message. I noticed the date of your post. Either way I do hope that someone might read this who is also having to deal with the same which includes the most difficult which can be guilt because of what we really feel, think and do in situations like this.
Hope to hear from you.
Marlene 
It is great to see that you are helping her in anyway you can. She needs all the help she can get. But rember to take care of yourself as well! In situations where you are taking care of someone you love it takes a toll on your well being. So take some time to be yourself and do the things you need to do. God bless you and i pray your mom will get better!!
My advise would be to find her a good dr that she can trust and talk to. She really needs to stay on the medications that helps her. I understand where you are coming from I have suffered from depression all my life for as long as i can remember anyway. Sometimes when someone is suffering from depression one medication wont help, Im taking 2 kinds of meds for my depression and anxiety, and if i wasnt on these i would never leave the house. I would be just like your mama and i make sure i keep my meds, cuz i dont want to go down that road again and right now im better, but i have my good and bad days. I would really try to find a new dr asap depression is hard to deal with and you are dealing with it to. GOOD LUCK
WISH ALL THE BEST
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR MAMA
i'm so sorry for what you are going thru. depression runs in my family too & i wouldn't be strong enough to be a care giver.i find it so hard to keep myself together.mom has had her problems as long as i can remember.dad is the caregiver but i don't know if she ever did talk therapy.i'm not totally clear on her diagnosis.it's more than just depression.bipolar & maybe something else. she seems old before her time.i pray for your mom & i hope you are taking good care of yourself.i think it's great that you have computer friends that you never knew were there.see people care who don't even know you!
God bless you & renew your energy! Amen
I was first diagnosed with a major depressive and anxiety disorder about 10 years ago but it probably should have happened when I was a teen. About 3 years ago, I finally found a therapist who has helped me immensely. In addition to the individual therapy, she suggested that I join a DBT group at the facility where I go for therapy. This group therapy has literaly turned my life around. In the past DBT was used to help treat Borderline Personality Disorders but now therapists are using it to treat other mood and personality disorders with positive results.
I have learned skills to help me with tolerate distress, interact effectively with others and emotion regulation. Yes, depression is a medical disorder BUT we cannot ignore the impact that our emotions, circumstances, and other people have on our condition. Unfortunately, I was not taught these skills as a child and could have greatly benefited from them much earlier in my life.
I urge you to look into finding a DBT group for your mother. Mine meets once a week. Not only will it help her learn important skills for managing her depression but she will meet others who are going through the same thing. I promise you it will help her immensely.
I feel for your mother and the family. I know what you are going through. I have a son who started with depression when he was 8 years old. He would put himself down in every way you can think of. He had suicide ideation often. He then developed severe anxiety when he started middle school. He could no longer go to school. We tried every med, hospitalization at a residential therapeutic center. Nothing helped. He suffered all the time. Finally, our psychiatrist said that she just could not do any more for him [age16] and sent us to a major university hospital. They have a pediatric Electroconvulsive therapy [ECT] program. After a complete workup and consulting 3 of their psychiatrists for their opinions, they decided to go ahead with the ECT. Our son received several treatments and started improving almost immediately. After just 6 he was much improved. The doctors said that he had a great response to the ECT. He continued to get treatments until they felt he was done. Our son is so completely healed it is difficult to express it. He was able to start going to school again, his senior year in High school, many things that he had difficulty with are better. He started becoming like a normal teenager. We got our son back. We had lost hope before ECT, but now we see him starting college, doing social activities etc. I would urge you to consider ECT for your mother. It is a very exact treatment. Almost every major medical center will have it. I wouldn't recommend a small hospital, but you could check out their reputation with the closest big medical center. They give the patient anesthesia, a short acting med that paralizes you, and a licensed psychiatrist does the treatment. ECT causes the patient to have a seizure, but because they give the med the patient doesn't move at all. They still don't know why it works, but it does. ECT is considered the standard treatment for medication resistant major depressive disorder. I hope you find help for your mother, what ever treatment you decide to go with.
You are to be commended for caring for your mother as you do, but you cannot do it all for her. Your own mental health is at stake, as several other members have stated. The social worker who deals with geriatric patients had some very good suggestions, as well as the person who advised you to find another mental health worker to continue her care. Please take care of yourself: I will keep your mother and you in my prayers.
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I'm sorry to hear about all of your stress. My psychiatrist died just when I was getting better and I was in the hospital within 4 months. Maybe you can ask a family member to help find her a new doctor and take her to appointments. If not, maybe social services can do that. You need to make sure you are seeing a doctor and keeping yourself well. take more time to pamper yourself. ask for help from everyone you can to carry out the things you need to do. hopefully she will come out of it and it wont always be so tough. I will pray for you.