feeling ANGER

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Thu, October 22, 2009

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So here I am again, over analyzing everything. I've been pretty angry lately and trying to figure out why. Just to explaine a bit about myself, I am a very caring person, if I see someone in destress, I would drop everything to help. I've had a lot of people that I don't even know tell me about their personal issues and I'm not very good with passing judgement on others....to me thats Gods job. So, back to the anger issue. When my last episode happened, someone hurt me pretty bad, but out of this, I started to look at my whole life and where I was headed and the mistakes I made in my past. In a since, me being hurt made me stop and try to get my life back on track. I went throught the whole sad and crying over anything time, then there was the trying not to think about anything, to now being angry. I feel that by me being nice, people have taken advantage of that....even my children. Of course, I'll never turn my back on them, but I am angry. I'm angry at certain people that wern't honest with me and caused the pain, I'm angry at the people that talk over me, or don't take me seriouse. I know that part of this is my fault for not putting my foot down, or not listening to my instincts, but I don't care who is to blame anymore. I don't want to waist my energy on this negativity......I just don't know how to stop the frustration. Yesterday was pretty hard for me. I came to my room and just wanted a couple hours to maybe watch a movie, or take a nap......I had 7 missed called and I don't know how many missed texts. I think maybe I need a brake form everything, maybe a day to myself. Now I'll need to try and figure out how to do this, because of course, someone needs my help (son). I can't change who I am, but I need to change my actions and trust in others.......I'm just trying to figure out how.

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Judy

10/22/09 12:52pm

Hi, Moonflowers. I think you have the battle half-won, just realizing what your anger is about. I think you SHOULD take at least one day off for yourself, be unavailable to anybody and just do something you feel like doing. I think it's only human to end up feeling resentment if you feel you always give and never receive back. Do you let people give to you? Sometimes that's hard for people, too. Maybe you could think of ways you could set limits on how much you help people and even let them know ahead of time that you're rationing your time.

Good luck with this, I have a feeling you'll be able to make this work.

fifi

10/22/09 1:29pm

Hia Moonflowers

I agree with Judy. Everyone needs some time for themselves to relax and just do what you want to do. Take care of yourself too.

fifi

10/22/09 1:29pm

Hia Moonflowers

I agree with Judy. Everyone needs some time for themselves to relax and just do what you want to do. Take care of yourself too.

Marishka

10/22/09 2:48pm

Hi Moonflowers,

I hear you. I feel angry today too. I feel very off center when I feel angry and then it seems I allow more that I don't really want and become even more off center and angrier. A friend needed a place to stay last night and I had her come over. I was feeling pretty bad and thought the company would be good and I wanted to help her. Thing is she is very needy too with her energy and it's hard for me to be around her. I wasn't sure what to do--also, she and I are both very anxious and worried about the future. She is in what to me looks like a better situation than I am and I find myself somewhat resentful for helping her when her situation is "easier" than mine. Can anyone relate? Anyone have any ideas? Also, it seems like my energy gets zapped around her when I don't feel strong to keep it inside...not sure about all this. Someone told me to make friends with calm, happy people. She is not calm or happy. But neither am I! I think it is confusing how to set boundaries internal and external and stick with them especially when we feel down or scared.

Marishka

fifi

10/23/09 2:17am

I can sympathize with you there Marishka

I have a friend who is very unhappy and very anxious and I Know what you mean about feeding off her I do this too. she's actually my cousin and I think to make things worse, she used to make me feel anxious as a child as she was an only child and wanted company,in the end I would have to cry before I was allowed to go home and her mother would feel sorry for me. So when I'm with her now, I think these feelings come back. I feel resentful too sometimes as she can be very selfish and demanding and it drains me.

moonflowers

10/23/09 9:30am

It really is hard when your already angry, then you have to deal with other people. I think that when anyone is beyond a bad mood and in anger mode, we should take a step back. Way easier said than done because life goes on, it's not gonna stop for us. You made me think about when your angry and someone needs you. It's really hard to say no anyway's, let alone when someone is in a bind. Why is saying no so hard? It really shouldn't be if you always help people. Later that day a friend of the family had been here for a couple of days and I really didn't know why and kinda didn't want to know. He later asked if I could give him a ride to work (his motorcycle was impounded). I felt really bad for him, but at that moment, and for the first time I can remember in a long time, I had to say no. I had to take care of myself. I felt guilty, but had to reinforce that it is okay to say no sometimes if your not in a good place mentally.

Merely Me

10/22/09 5:49pm

Hi there

You know...I think when you hit the emotion of anger...perhaps you are doing a little bit better because anger is always underneath a depression. So now you know it is right there...you are feeling it...you just have to channel it to where you want it to go.

It is so hard to give when you are needy yourself but I feel sometimes this responsibility can turn you around. It is good if you can turn off your emotions for a bit...tend to your child...and then when it is a good time...deal with your anger and depression. Easier said than done...I know.

You are doing great to talk about this...I hope things get better for you.

Thanks for reaching out here.

feeling ANGER

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