The will is strong with me right now. I can't deny my own life and problems cause they're there with me constantly.
And others can't xray my brain to find my problems.
And they sure as hell can't treat my pain with pills.
And there is no cure for my silent killer. Just treatments to make it bearable.
I can't lose I have no other options and nobody is gonna tell me how I think or act and explain to me why. It's not a story but it's based on a true one. It's written in books and recognized widely by the medical community.
What is there to ponder or question any further? Evidence? I am living proof 
Treatment? Take a look at the supplements and drugs I'm on 
Bad effects that suppress my talents? My unfinished works and scars 
Did I choose this? Absolutely not. Who chooses sadness? 
What will I do when I win? Make changes 
10 Things Not to Say to Someone With Depression 
6 Behavior Changes During Depression 
Getting to Know Your 5 Essential Brain Chemicals 
10 Surprising Ways to Enhance Your Mind 
What is it you are determined to win? What is out there that you are working towards. There is always a multitude of factors that lead to recovery...at least that is my opinion. If you just want to "feel better" then what do you plan to do when you get to that point? How will you know? Start working toward something with tangible rewards now, if you are not already. Like volunteer work -- does wonders for me. Helping my mother. Being the confidante of a bipolar friend. It may not be easy to do so, but all these things are worthwhile.
I am very determined to win my disability case.
I see it as the first step towards opening more doors and windows of opportunity for me.
If I have the proper medical care that I need then I can better manage my depression. It probably won't just go away or be cured by itself. And I certainly can't deal with it on my own. And I'm not a doctor but I know a few. And it's not their fault that I don't have the resources for such expensive medical care.
So, with the proper help which in this case is disability benefits it's taken care of. This is the biggest stress in my life and it can just be gone. No more loose ends, no more risk taking, and no more countless hours of searching.
No more debt to every ER in my county, either. This is what a disability is. It's so similar to the definition. It's downright uncanny, to be honest:
"A person has a bad problem that impairs they're ability to work. Without their full ability to work, they get fired and have no reliable income. Without reliable income, they have no resources to pay for medical care. Without resources to pay for medical care, they wind up in debt to medical establishments through ER visits. When in debt to a medical establishment, your wages are cut. When your wages are cut, you have even less of an opportunity to pay for medical care. Which leads you back to the ER and the cycle repeats until you're dead".
The circle of life through my eyes continues. This is the same for permanent injuries as it is for severe depression. When you work really really hard to fulfill a demand and your wing gets clipped you become a liability. And that's when your boss throws you to the wolves.
And without all of these stresses maybe the clouds fade and I get a new lease on life. I take my philanthropic ways to a whole new level. Instead of always being willing to help a friend, family member, or a neighbor perhaps I'm willing to help an entire city.
Those things do fulfill me. I was born to help and make people happy. Born to share experiences. Born to give and give. All without question. And I don't need to worry about falling short within my own means. It is the only gift I can truly believe without question that I was born with.