Is this a weird season for depression?

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Tue, April 08, 2008

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I noticed that almost a year ago that I initially started trying to keep this journal here. And it's been months and months since I posted anything at all. So while everyone with SAD is starting to bounce back as the nice weather sets in I'm crashing? And apparently that's the norm for me? Sad

I'm thinking back over the the years and it's definitely this time of year that seems to do me in. Is it just when I run out of steam?

I'm in the pre crisis mode. Jittery, sad, anxious... every little problem is a giant mountain of trouble to overcome.... several times a day I just sit back and feel the wave of tears welling up. I hate that. It doesn't matter what I know about the medical problem of depression, I still find myself thinking about people who have suffered real tragedy in their lives and wonder what kind of terrible human I am to "allow myself" to wallow in self pity when I've never had it particularly hard. I know it's not about that. I know the old chemicals in the brain just aren't working right... but that's how I feel.

There is still though.. moments of pleasure when I think to myself.. it's going to be okay... and I focus on those moments when I'm happy and remember that there were years I NEVER had those moments. Happy, content.. it feels **** good, and as long as I do have those moments I know I will be okay.

I have been on between 75 and 150mg a day of effexor for a long long time. I might need to talk to the doctor about the dose, or I might not. If I can find a decent insurance covered therapist I think I might be ready to make us of some talk therapy.. the thought of that always sent me over the edge before.

But for now.. it's day by day.. and I am going to be okay...somehow

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JENNIFER TURNER

4/10/08 9:54am

HI, MY NAME IS JENNIFER, AND I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU ALOT OF PEOPLE GET MORE DEPRESSED AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. I AM ONE OF THEM. I LIVE IN S. CAROLINA WHERE THE SUMMERS ARE REALLY HOT. IT SEEMS LIKE WE HAVE 2 MONTHS OF WINTER-LIKE WEATHER, THEN, BAM-SAM, ITS 95 DEGREES IN THE SHADE. I GREW UP IN CHICAGO, AND A BLIZZARD WAS NOTHING MUCH, YOU STILL HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL OR WORK, OF COURSE THERE WERE TIMES WHEN THINGS SHUT DOWN UNTIL THE MAIN STREETS COULD BE CLEARED.AT MY AGE NOW, JUST TURNED 64, I STILL HATE SUMMER...WITH A PASSION...I START DREADING SUMMER BACK IN SEPTEMBER...I STAY INSIDE WITH THE A/C ON. I DO HAVE A LOT OF HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT KEEP ME HOME ANYWAY. THEY ARE PART OF WHAT MAKES ME DEPRESSED. I HAVE NO MEDICAL INSURANCE, I GO TO A CLINIC, THAT GOES BY YOUR INCOME AS TO HOW MUCH YOU PAY. MY HUSBANDS INCOME IS SOCIAL SECURITY...I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE DIABETIS..I COULD GO ON AND ON..THE ONE THING THAT REALLY GETS TO ME IS I AM LOSING MY VISION QUICKLY DUE TO CATARACS AND I DONT HAVE THE MONEY TO HAVE THEM REMOVED. I AM WRITING WAY TOO MUCH. JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. OH, I TAKE ZOLOFT FOR MY DEPRESSION....GOOD LUCK TO YOU......JENNIFER

LORNA WOOD

4/10/08 7:39pm

I feel much the same lately. I can be sitting at work and feel like the desk is getting smaller and that eventually if I am lucky it will just suck me in. Feel like crying often and more than that just don't have any oomph or ambition. I have been on 150 mg of Effexor for over a year, reduced it down from 375 mg at a time when I was so exhausted that I was unable to even leave the house and go to work. The winter has seemed to drag on forever for me this year. Every little disappointment seems to magnify itself 100 times over but I was helped a lot by talking to a therapist. I am glad that I did it and at times miss it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

LONELY LORNA...

WendyWanderer

4/13/08 5:19pm

Hi Lorna-

Thanks for your comments. I've never taken more than 150mg of the effexor, so I find myself wondering if I need more, or if I have to ride out the smaller waves of depression that I still have now and then with the effexor.

It's always good to be reminded I'm not alone.

Wendy

SuzieQ

4/17/08 2:49pm

Hi, I am new to this site. Your comments about suffering with SAD struck a cord with me. I was dx with Major Depression, and Panic Disorder at ages 14 and 21. I am now 44, so Yes, I have survived, and YES, it has been an ordeal to say the very least. I also have SAD, and I ALSO have issues with both seasonal changes; Fall to Winter, and Winter to Spring. I had one Psyhiatrist tell me, she was emerging herself in research and found many people with a bipolar component???? to their Depression are considered linked to SAD. I don't have bipolar, however, there is this belief roaming around out there, that the swing in moods during season changes are more likely due to biopolar. I

firmly DO NOT LIKE getting INTO labels. I think it can be a tool to help treat, however, there are too many swinging poles...LOL... from decade to decade on what people are, the cocktails of drugs and new thinking, AND LESS insurance on how to treat HUMAN BEINGS. Mood Disorders are MOOD disorders, and to me, it becomes symptomology and what treatments and wellbeing changes can be utilized to help a person live with and through any mood disorder.

So, in saying all of this, I am sure you know about the light therapies, and diet changes that can help stablize your mood during seasonal changes. It is like the old saying, "Spring Fever." Well, to me, it is like a fever; tired, slower, moodier, body feels out of sorts. It can better or worse depending what area of the country you live in to. This is due to environmental issues, such as pollen, dust, heat/cold. Aghhhhhhh, our bodies are really machines; very complicated, yet machinery non-the-less. So, we own them and therefore, we have to address them, personally.. Don't over-analyze why you feel the way you do, and OMG it all. Learn to go with the flow of your body, and stop...STOP any negative self-talk that comes with changes in moods. MOVE through and forward, and if it's slowly, than slowly. Reach out to support, like I am to you and this group....

Intereseted,

SuzieQ

WendyWanderer

4/20/08 9:27pm

Hi SuzieQ

Thanks for your comments on my sharepost

I've been away from the site for a bit.. getting carpal tunnel surgery... so I'm trying to be a one hand wonder here on my keyboard

---

You are so right about over analyzing it all, it's one of the skills I have worked on a great deal... but it's so hard not to get bogged down in "why" when dealing with depression. One of the things I most hate about having this problem is how self centered it makes me feel.. I get so caught up in why do I feel I this way, what's causing this.. and then forget to get over why and move on and just concentrate on what makes me feel better.

I've been doing well as the weather improved with just getting outside and thinking on the pleasant feeling of the sun washing over me- keeping my head up and remembering that I can get past it, because I have before, and it's worth it :)

Wendy

Is this a weird season for depression?

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