An Intro Me: Living with Depression

I feel that I have probably lived with depression since I was a small child. I never was quite like other people. Despite knowing from early on that depression IS a medical problem, not just "all in one's head" and my ability to completely support the idea that someone would get medical help for it, I never took my own advice. I was in my 30's before I would finally go to a doctor. 2 suicide attempts, a lot of coping mechanisms that had done me more harm than good, led me to finally face a doctor and ask for help.

I think I'm one of the lucky ones, about a month into my meds not only did I feel a difference, people who didn't know I was seeking treatment were commenting on my changed "attitude" I wasn't so angry, jumpy, quick to flip out on people.

The meds worked wonders, side effects lasted less than 2 weeks, and I was thrilled to finally understand that it wasn't just my personality all these years.

When I moved my doctor refused to call in a prescription for me in my new town while I found a doctor. When I went to the gyn I asked her for help until I could get to another doctor and she gave me a one month supply and I found one of the 2 or 3 doctors who accepted my health insurance. I did NOT like her, but I needed my meds. I still had a month's worth of my effexor, I didn't have a car, and public transportation to the commercial park where the doctor had her office was difficult (plus I was new to the area) I didn't make my appointment and called her a month later for an appointment. She was nasty - I told her I would come in as soon as possible but needed meds, she gave me a couple days only, and accused me of lying about being off the meds ... I wasn't she said I had to be, I told her I had still had a month supply when I went to see her, she basically called me a liar. What is this technique supposed to do for a patient battling depression?

I went off the meds after the next batch and the refills were used up. It was sudden, and bad. The depression that set in was so harsh I have very little memory of that following year.

I decided to head back to the doctor. The only other practice that was a participating office. They were okay, but they pushed their social worker on me, and she drove me bonkers. She had all kinds of "jobs" for me to do between appointments. I dunno.. I think I come across as more motivated and interested in some things than I am. The doctor was nice, but had an extremely deep eastern european accent and I really couldn't understand him. After about a year I went off the meds again....

Finally during a physical I acknowledged to my new internist that I felt I needed to be on my meds again. She said there was no reason for me to go to a psychiatrist if I needed the meds. She said we could monitor them and if I felt I need a therapist that could be done in addition but for now we should just get the meds regular again.