Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Getting Real

I was reading your post and thought about this.

We are coming into a time that depression rates are going to go up, probably along with it suicide rates also. Wouldnt it be nice to put together a series of television ads that are directed at people getting help. Something in the same sense as the cymbalta commercials, but not targeting drug sales. But getting people info on where to get help. Get some stars involved.

Just a thought.

Pat

Friend:

I have been suffering from anxiety / depression and OCD aggravation for over a year now.  With medication, help and counseling, I am getting better finally.  But I am very fragile still.  On top of this, I am looking for work and getting frustrated in my job search.  The problem now is my husband.  He doesn't like the fact that I have to work, and he criticizes everything I try.  Everything, even working with disabled and elderly people, is wrong, because it's "in the hood"; and he accuses me of trying to "give him a heart attack".  He says my efforts are worthless (in so many words) and he threatens to cut off my insurance and leave me.  I said go ahead, I'm not letting you make me feel guilty anymore.  He is usually very nice, but he has these flashes of what seems to me to be temporary insanity.  Right now my first concern is getting better.  My husband was my first concern, but I can't help him if I can't help myself.  And I think it's wrong for him to blame me for our financial condition or to accuse me of trying to cause him to have a heart attack!  It's ridiculous!!  He also said some awful things to me that hurt very much. 

I don't want to lose the ground I have gained because of his one-sided diatribe against me.  I don't want to end my life; I want to end this fear of what he or anyone else thinks.  I am doing the best I can.  I obtained my degree a year and a half ago, against all odds.  My company that I worked for let me go in September, claiming I wasn't living up to their standards.  I fought them and won my unemployment compensation.  My husband supported me in this, but I suspicion it was for the money.  I need his support to get better, like I supported HIM when he had his heart attack and open-heart as well as other surgeries.  I feel that the love I have had for him for 44 years is one-sided. 

There is so much more, but I don't want to make him appear totally cruel, even though he certainly was this morning.  Right now I must not fail, must not fall into the depression that caused me to lose sleep for months and lose over 20 pounds (even though it was nice to lose it, but not that way).

Can you give me any advice?

Felicity (not my name)