I am glad you shared your story. I don't mind that it is rambling on as I do the same thing. It really sucks to be all caught up in past traumas. I have episodes since 1976 or 77 and did not have a label. I had all the symptoms of having it when I tried doing something in regards to my disability. I left that job and situation and would float along for years till in 1985-86, tried to resume making connection with disability groups again. I was very near nervous breakdowns then and had become anorexic trying to be a single mom to a toddler. I never got along with my mom, my brother and sister neither. My family had been abusive and had sexual abuse when I was a toddler by dad's freind. Was sent off to summer camp and endured more abuse there for about 4 years. Then being stoned at by kids and really bullied and humiliated was the result of my problems when I was mainstreamed. I cannot to this day now go into deaf group. I finally got my label given to me in 1991 when I had my first nervous breakdowns. No wonder I suffered for so long when things get stressful or around my triggers. I have recently been triggered by outpatient procedure having to suffer with serious digestive illness where I am wasting away due to malabsorbtion syndrome, all started with a shot of horrific antibiotic for strep throat and ears. Never suffered with strep. This was start of downward trend and being given general anesthesia, I now am having seizures. This was a month ago and since then, all the past rushes in and trying to get away from it is hard to do. I am undergoing other stresses in life so I am really suffering right now. I keep fighting off sucidal thoughts. I have attempted so many times in the past, 2007 was almost a fatal one. Some higher power is keeping me alive and I don't know why. I could have died undergoing surgical procedures for implants. I have survived a heart attack. I am struggling with not understanding why I am here. I hear of stories of it happening others and it triggers me, the news and seeing it around me almost daily. I avoid my triggers but life's problems get me down and flashbacks are happening again. I am refusing to check in at the hospital nor getting meds casue they don't work and get very ill from it. My body is tired and want no more. I am in constant pain daily, not able to sleep, having to eat an organic whole foods diet with major restrictions to avoidance. I was doing so well when I went off all meds before end of last year. Strep, bamm, I am sick and spiraling in depression. I disconnect a lot. I want to live NOW and plan for future, to go back to school, be with my grandkids, being involved in helping ohters and my spiritual p ractice. Now I feel like living like a hermit casue I get all spastic. I wrecked my car a few weeks ago, fortunatley, I did not kill myself , especially no one else. My life is taken away from me. I want out of my hell. I am tired of allopathic docs that don't listem to me with my health concerns. I pursue holistic methods of healing.
I am a veteran who has done two tours to Iraq and one to Afghanistan. I am a leader and always thought of myself as tough and quiet. Now I'm diagnosed with PTSD and a regular at the VA hospital. I'm on anti-depressants and getting one-on-one counseling.
This really sneaks up on you! I don't sleep much. I have bad dreams frequently, if I remember them. I'm jumpy and have very violent thoughts at times. My relationship with my family is strained but I don't have any problem with drugs or alcohol. I have little inhibition about anything and crave excitement, though I'm almost 50 years old and a father and former Sunday school teacher.
I don't feel depressed, but the doctors say that I have signs based on how I fill out the questionaires and answer their questions. I think about death a lot and am very ready for it, but I'm in no way suicidal.
I have serious health concerns with shakes and fatigue and vision problem too.
It feels good to say this. Thanks for listening.
Coming from Ireland I never knew I had this disorder. Having come to the USA 13 years ago I eventually found a terrific therapist who eventually diagnosed me. I was sexually abused for years in Ireland by an Uncle. I went to a child guidance clinic in Dublin for years and was never asked had I been abused. I hated my mother and couldn't understand why. I felt really ugly and worthless. A lot of my childhood I can not remember. I didn't do very well at school as I couldn't concentrate, now I have gone back to school, got married and have a beautiful daughter. My relationship with my husband is sometimes very tense and I blame things on him that I shouldn't. It is like chunks of my life have been taken away from me. I used to drink a lot do things I would never do sober. I have come a long way but am still very bitter.
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I am so glad that you wrote about this. I think people have heard of this term being used but may not understand exactly what it means. You have written this in a concise and easy to understand way. I am hoping we can get some discussion going about this disorder.
Thanks, Merely Me! I'm hoping for some discussion too. This is the first of a series of articles I'm writing on PTSD. There will also be some interviews and a podcast. I'm learning a great deal myself while doing this. Always a good thing.
Teri