I am a vetern and married with 2. Some days are harder than usual not to just go ahead and kill myself! I struggle with this on an everyday basis and it seems to be getting harder each. Im currently taking celxa, lorazapam, and buspirone. Along with that I have 2 herniated disc, fibromyalgia, and arthritis. Im also hme alot by myself due to the fact I cant hold a job and on disability. Futhermore I also am diagnosed with agoraphobic.
Marc... others have already spoken far more eloquently than I, about the critical importance of meeting with your medical team and letting them know, all of them, that "it's not working". They WANT to hear from you, they WANT to get it right for you.
So I will limit my comments to the idea of killing ones self. I can tell you from first hand experience, that suicide is NOT painless. Not for the doer and not for those left behind to clean up the mess. I shot myself point blank in the center of my chest with a .38 Special. No way could that not work; yet I lay there for 8 hours, until my wife came home from work and found me.
I was conscious when she came home, and had to look her in the eyes and tell her what I had done. I had to watch the look on her face as she realized what it was that I had intended for her to find. I wasn't supposed to have to do that. I wasn't supposed to be there to see her pain; but I was and I did.
The shock and horror and grief and anger and guilt will be with those who love you for the rest of their lives, my friend.
But that being said, Marc... you are too important to all of us. When, not if but when your medical team finds the right mix of treatment, you will look around and see that you have SO much to give. I don't know how mobile you are with all you have to bear, but if you could get a ride to a VA hospital for example, can you imagine what it would mean to someone who is bedridden and all alone in this world to see you roll in and hear you say "Hi, I brought the pinnocle cards."?
Hang in there Marc..., fight the fight. Your family is worth fighting for. YOU are worth fighting for. And please, stay with us and let us all know how it's going.
I hope that you are feeling better and that you followed the advice of the people who replied to you on Sep. 9th? Remember God has a good plan for your life. He loves you and your family and does not want you to check out on them by committing suicide.
I pray that you will get the help you need and that you will be filled with hope and a sense of purpose for your life which only God can give you.
Remember Jesus died for you and rose again . He is sitting at the right hand of God the Father. Seek him and you will be filled with his hope but that does not mean you don't go back to the docter to tell them how you feel and ask them to chage the medication and watch you closely.
Jutta
You need jesus is your Life, We all have problems but with jesus being the center of our lifes we can make it though it. I know how hard life can be but we have to keep going and have faith, And to do this you have to have jesus.
God bless you peggy
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....speak to your doctor immediatley! While I'm sure there are real stresses in your life you may be experiencing some side effects of your medication or the combination of medciations that are increasing suiicidal thoughts....this is not uncommon but needs to be addressed immediatley! I am sure you have lots to tell of your life in the service and raising two children. You need to get your self together so you can share those stories and experiences with others. I'm glad you are reaching out and hope you will take my advise!
Be strong.....a friend out there.