My First Sharepost

Hello everyone! This is my first time sharing so bare with me..... I have been terribly depressed for the last 8 months, but I think I have been depressed for a long time, but able to function and live life. It came to a head about 8 months ago, and I was unable to get out of bed and do the simplist tasks. I separated from my spouse because I was just un-happy and felt miserable all the time. We have been trying to work things out, but I am not sure I want to sometimes. The co-parenting is not going so well and has become so exhausting I dread when he calls. I love him deeply, but I think one of the most painful things in life is "when you realize that love is not always enough".

I have 2 wonderful children and I love them so much, and I give completely to them . I realize now that this has contributed to my depression, because I had been neglecting myself for to long. I am in therapy and it does help, but I am looking forward to just functioning completely again. I feel like I lost who I was, and became who I thought everybody wanted me to be. I thought making myself a priority was selfish, but now I know that I have to take care of me in order to give to others.

I have learned through depression that you can have everything materially, and still be so miserable in life. The "material things" and "job titles" are not who we are. They do not define us! It took along time for me to get that. I have been working so hard on loving myself, so that I can live an authentic life. It has been hard to explain to my family my depresssion because they dont understand what I could be so depressed about when I am so blessed. Imagine the isolation I feel.

I represent all those women out there who look like that have it all together on the outside, but are "screaming" and "crying" out on the inside. I may be work in progress, but I am done pretending. I hope to support and to receive support from this online support group. It feels good to know I am not alone in this fight, and that I am not crazy.